Sunday, November 27, 2011

Choice

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

I recently had a very enlightening conversation with a friend, and put a great deal into perspective. It is not that I didn't already know these things, but you forget when your mind is spinning. When we become adults, we get to make our own choices in everything we do in life. It is easy to blame others from the past to the present, but there is also a time when we need to chose to let it go and forgive. At times we might think we have forgiven not realizing hmmmm...maybe I haven't in my heart. It is usually in the mind before the heart rather than the other way around.

Ok, so traumatic things happened in your life, so now is the time to choose to change them and get your life back. There is only so long you can go on complaining and not healing where it will eat you up inside. It takes over like a nasty virus. The emotions run too high, and it than becomes unhealthy for you to not release these things. It is a choice we have to make. We can remain stuck in fear or move on with our lives. If we choose to go backwards, than life will move forward with us. If we choose to not face anything in our life and do nothing, than nothing will change. It is like going back to a bad marriage or relationship that you know will never work in the long run. Many people thought I would go back with my ex-husband because of how close we were when we got divorced; however, I knew that would be the biggest mistake of my life. Why would I want to relive what I knew was never going to change. I would not be moving on with my life if I did. I would be taking a huge chance I was not willing to take. If I did and the same thing happened, than guess what? That is all on me. I can't go whining to anybody, because the people I know would tell me straight up that it was a bad idea from the start.

I have told my friends who are separated or divorced that it is my belief to never have regrets when these things happen. I know I don't. I appreciated when he walked into my life and when he walked out, because I became a different person in several ways. I know what I was supposed to get out of that part of my life. It took awhile, but I get it. Those relationships happened for a reason and served a purpose. God wanted us to see something or learn something about ourselves. Something good always comes out of something bad if we choose to recognize it.  What we do with the information he has provided is up to us. We can continue to repeat or not. This is why we have free will.  On YOU have the power to make changes in YOUR life. If you are unhappy in your job, your living situation, your relationship, or another arena, than wake up and choose do something about it.

It is true that things go wrong and though it is not our fault, we still made a choice to not prevail through our trials and tribulations. That being said, we all still make bad choices for ourselves from time to time. I can blame people for many things, but the truth is, is that I could have made different choices or done things differently to make my life better rather than suffer or be miserable from something in my past. Where will it get you to be a victim your entire life? You have to stand up and fight. Nobody said it would be easy, but it is easy to lay down and keep beating yourself up. That is why we fall prey to that so often when bad things have happened to us or in our lives. We do have to take responsibility for our own actions whether we were wronged or not. You can't complain if you do nothing about the situation, but we still do don't we? Yup, because it is human nature and a natural instinct to not want to have confrontation. How often do we say that we don't want to do something? What if I do this than this will happen and I am scared of the unknown. We will never know anything until we try it and let it into our lives. Fear takes over and you find yourself in quick sand in the blink of an eye. The only way to pull yourself up is to make some type of move. Baby steps are ok. We don't have to take giant ones or make irresponsible decisions. That is where it can be tricky. We still have to be realistic. I am not gonna bungee jump before making sure the equipment is all in order and safe. All I am saying is do it the right way. The best way to proceed when you want or need change is to sort it out, make a plan, and execute. All in good time.

Surviving through something is not overcoming it or beating it. That is where the real work begins, and it is not easy. Let me tell you, it is ok to fall apart after something traumatic; however, we have to get back up as with anything in life. If you dig a hole and stay there, than again that is YOUR choice! Life is full ups and downs and if we see the signs around us than we can make the alterations. You don't have to look hard. GOD gives us the tools, but we have to take the steps and make good solid choices. Nobody can do it for you and neither can he. Life does not just fall into your lap. If that were the case, than everybody would be "living the life of Riley". That is not reality.

Basically, if you want to change something or yourself than do it. It will take time. Nothing happens overnight, but as each day passes it gets easier to get up, to smile, to laugh, and pretty soon you start to see things in a different way. Good and positive things will begin to happen if you let it. Believe in everything!

The sky is the limit! Stand tall! Remember you always have a CHOICE! It is YOUR life. LIVE IT!



Ciao
Be Blessed
Smile Big
D :)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Can You See Me? Can You Hear Me?

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.


We often wonder who can actually truly see us. Not the outside, but deep inside of us, and do they even want to see us. Do they know who we really are? Do they care? Do they see what I have accomplished or my pain? We all are looking for validation on something whether we realize it or not and these are the questions that we often ask ourselves. We want to be validated in marriage, in divorce, or any relationship for that matter. We want those we care about and love to notice and see us for who we are and be there. Who doesn't want love like that from our friends and family.

I know when I tell my friends or family I love them or I am there for them, it is because I do with my entire heart. I don't say it because it is custom, I feel sorry for them, pity them, or I know it is what they want to hear. This is my way of showing that I see them and acknowledge everything about them. We all want to be heard as well and have our backs when they are supposed too. If someone who tells you they are there for you and than not ever there for the handoff, than you can most likely assume its just words and not truth. Nothing should ever be said that is not meant from the heart and comes from love.

If you call, of course you want them to answer. Though it might be innocent, when they do not you than blow up for no reason. I am sorry soon becomes your mantra. I mention this because I have done this recently to more than one person. It is something that is not even recognized until you are apologizing for not being understanding or having patience on them getting back to you. There are times we come across as angry and say things we do not mean. I know damn well I can relate. You can only hope they are real enough to know you well and understand. It is all good and nothing has changed. What this boils down too for most is being seen and heard. I don't mean being heard in the sense that you want to bitch and complain, not listen, or explode. I mean "HEARD"!

That being said, this is who you are and if they are a good friend they except it, deal with it, and move on. We can all be a little wacky, off balance, angry, or a hot mess. They will forgive you. After all, I am sure they have been there or have done it more than once in their own life. If they say they haven't, than that might be questionable. I'm just saying :). However, what we don't realize is that that person might be struggling and can't. If you feel ignored, you need to think about what that person might be going through in their own life and be sympathetic. Try to be there for them. Don't be selfish, because these things go both ways. Be there for each other and work together. Yes, there will be times people just don't want to bother or ignore you on purpose, but there is no way of truly knowing that for a fact unless they tell you or you know that person well enough. Even than, there is still doubt that you might be wrong.

Reaching out is crucial because you will find most times people are not going to chase you. Some will if they can because they care and love you, but why should they have too? How do they know something is wrong unless you talk to them? They can't chase you around if you are unwilling to open up or call out to them.  What happens is than they call you to say what's up and you go off on a tangent from holding it in. Well why didn't you call me? What happened? Oh I didn't want to bother you and blah blah blah. This is what drives people nuts at times. I know it does for me, and the people I have done it to. If you do reach out sometimes you won't get an immediate response because they fear maybe they can't be there they way they need too due to something they are currently trying to do for themselves. That is not being selfish. They will be there when they are ready. I am realizing that I work this way and the people around me do too. We are there for each other; however, sometimes not in full capacity or as much as we normally would be. How can you be there and help if are not doing that for yourself? You can, but advice might be biased, judgmental, skewed, or too harsh.

Oprah recently did a life class on this, and it sure did open my eyes. It confirmed that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be seen and validated. We all look for that in some form. I know I want the people around me to know "I SEE THEM"! In fact I make sure they know by showing them through words or little gestures. At that moment I know that they know "I SEE THEM"! In my own person life I know who really sees me and who does not. It is not a negative thing unless you are beating a dead horse or taking advantage of a situation.

For example, If you truly are done with a person than let them go. Don't hold on and create more hurt or try to be validated by a person that can't give you what you need. You are wasting precious moments of your life by trying to show another what you know to be true. What is really important is that YOU know the truth. If you don't want to "SEE" a person anymore let them know in a nice way, and I don't mean that in a literal way. Letting someone believe that they are part of their life doesn't help matters. Everybody deserves to be seen. You can't play with another's emotions or heart because you feel obligated or bad. You might be thinking you are doing a good thing, but you're not if there is no real relationship there on your end whether it be romantic, family, or friends. It is never a good thing to lead a person into betrayal or lies.

If your reasons are ALWAYS that you are too busy and don't have time, than you need to check your schedule and make time. Too often people say this. It is called time management skills. Take a class! One day we will turn around and those people will be gone or too busy for us. Near or far stay in touch, and let that person know you "see" them. I have seen in all too much through my own life experiences and those I know. I have even heard myself saying I am busy I will call tomorrow, I am gonna get back to you, we will talk soon, and any other reason to postpone. Sadly in some cases, a friend or family member passed away, and all I thought about was I should have called or visited. It would have so much easier to chat every so often, shoot a text, and email. It doesn't matter how long or the exact day or time people, but don't let time slip away. Time is precious. You never know what the next day will bring, and you don't want to say what if or I wish. Eventually, you find yourself having regrets.

We all have lives and are busy. Some have more hectic schedules than others or demanding jobs or lives, and that is ok as long as you take the time to slow down and not forget what is important in life. There are times I am very busy or tired and I don't want to talk, text, or email anybody. We all get in those moods. I recently had a friend tell me she felt blown off. This is one reason I chose to write this blog. Did I feel bad? Heck yes! Should I have? Not really because I was going through something, and I wasn't in the right mindset. I realized it was just her way of feeling that I don't see her. She knows damn well I do, and all was fine after we had a nice talk. I recently did this myself to a friend. I felt blown off by another and took it out on that person.

Being seen, heard, and validated is not exempt from any relationship new or old. There are times, as I said above, no matter how hard you try a person won't see you or validate you. That is when it is time to move on. We would need to accept that and respect it.

Being seen is about depth not what you can see with the ordinary eye. It is about understanding, compassion, and love.

Be Blessed
Smile
Caio
D :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What are you thankful for?

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

Around the holidays season most people tend to ponder many things. They think about life, friends, and family. It is known to be a joyous part of the season and entire year for most. Thanksgiving is around the corner and it is not about all the traditions, but rather spending time with family and friends and being thankful for what we do have not what we don't. There will always be something in our lives that is not up to par or stressful.

We sometimes here what do I have to be happy about. The holidays are nothing but stress, and for some they very well might be. This is because people forget what they are supposed to be about. I feel that over the  years things have become somewhat skewed. People forget the meaning behind it. It is not about the size or price of a gift. The gift is who we are looking at and who we have to be grateful for in our lives. Laugh, cry, tell stores, drink eggnog, roast chestnuts, stand on your head, dance, sing out loud, go outside and play in the snow (if it is snowing of course :), go see a show, go buy a tree, decorate the house, but enjoy each other and the company. That is the meaning of the holidays.  Some people are alone or feel alone. It is not a time to be thinking about the wrong things.

It is a time to count our blessings. No matter what situation we might be in, there is always something to be grateful and thankful for. It is a time to celebrate our faith and appreciate what God has given us. Sometimes we are blind to what is right in front of us. We lose track of living. A friend once said to me I can't help you or support you if you don't want to help or support yourself. You have to want to see the world in a different way to see change in yourself.

Today I am grateful for my new and old friends. I am thankful for those I have in my life that truly care, love me, and make a difference. The ones who are there for me when times are rough and the good times. The ones who never leave me if I make a mistake or screw up. The ones who put up with me when I can be difficult. The ones God brought into my life when I needed it the most and made them part of my life. I am thankful to be alive and have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, and to be working. You know how many people can not say that in today's society? Just turn on the news or go on the Internet.

Like I said there is always something be thankful for. How about your sight, your hearing, or the ability to walk. Simple things we take for granted everyday that could be taken away at any given moment. Just stop and think about that for a second before you complain. Life is hard. I get it and know all too well, but you have to see beyond that sometimes and stand strong and firm. Keep both feet planted. The holidays can be a hard time to do that if one is struggling or in need. If we can do something to change that than do it. We should live by that mantra everyday.

You don't have to look deep trust me. Some things are right on the surface. Remember whatever turmoil you might be weathering, you will get through it all in good time. The holidays can be the best time for healing. Surround yourself by loved ones. If they can't be with you or live far away, than pick up the phone and chat for a bit.

Celebrate YOUR life! What are you thankful for? Just take one moment, and I bet you can think of much more than you ever thought or realized was there.
Be blessed
Caio
Smile
D :)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Oprah's LifeClass

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

Let me start by saying that Oprah's LifeClass is one of the most uplifting, real, pure, raw, inspiring, and rewarding shows on television. I have to be honest when I say I was never a huge fan of any daytime television. I rarely got to watch it. This is mainly because I was never home. When I watched television it was mostly in the evening. I always heard raves about Oprah's talk show and how amazing of a person she was. I never realized until I started watching OWN and checking out the website how much she has done, who she is, and how big of an inspiration she has always been. There are just some people in this world that are made to create joy in a special way for others. People look up to them and hang on every word.

I have had several Aha moments watching her show. I felt as if I was supposed to be watching it. It is a sort of therapy for me in a way to be hearing some of my stories through another's words where I could relate. We forget that it is not just us that go through things day in and day out. There are others out there like us. I am not unique and nobody else is either. There are those rare cases of course where you almost wonder how could there be somebody who has it worse. The truth is, it is out there.

Oprah's Lifeclass does so much more than just talk about life changing moments. It actually brings you into the lives of these people. You are watching clips and hearing their stories. While you are watching this show Oprah gives you a little insight into her personal life, life quotes from herself and others, and profound inspirational statements in just a few simple words. You don't have to have a PhD in psychology to change lives or make a difference. It is nice to see a show on television that deals with REAL life and what many are going through or have been through everyday.

Life is not easy, especially in today's society. It is the little things that give us hope and change the way we view what is around us.  You really need to check out the website and the show to understand what I am saying. You will realize in seconds that this is a show everybody should be watching. It will make you both laugh and cry. There are sad moments, angry moments, and great moments of happiness and joy. The website provides you with a section for notes and a journal, videos you can upload for your Aha moments, comments you can post, questions of day that can be posted on Twitter as well. Check it out here: http://www.oprah.com/own. There is a link to the Lifeclass site.

Tune in to OWN Network weekdays at 8 pm! You won't be sorry! :)

Be blessed
Caio
xo
D

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Great Friends are Great Blessings!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

In Life we come into contact with many people. Some good and some bad, and also some that will hurt us beyond repair. So we think, that is never the case. We always hope to find good eggs (as a friend of mine likes to say). I am a good egg she said. I like to believe that, but we all make mistakes or mess up in our lives and our relationships. It still makes us a good egg. We are human. This person knows exactly who she is so I don’t have to say names. Not my style. It’s the words, principles and actual person, not the name. It is about laughing, crying, and so many other emotions that bring friendships full circle.

As I was saying, we all hope to be forgiven for whatever mistakes we make. I happen to forgive no matter what. I feel it is for my purpose and not the other person. I talk about real friends all the time. We can probably count them on one to two hands. That is just a simple fact. We go through life thinking we have some forever friends that the second you are not perfect, make a mistake, or whatever the case is dumps you and tells you to go jump in a lake. That is just cold blooded and not right. We don’t say you didn’t do what I want or you don't kiss my ass enough so see ya. That is not how it works. If you think it does than your SADLY MISTAKEN! It’s called ego people. Get over yourselves. That being said, until recently I think I had a misconception about real friends myself. I have a good definition, but it did need some clarification. In coming into contact with this amazing person, which I have to say was something most would not expect the way we met ;); I am able to define it better. I realized others just ignored things rather than telling me like it is. In the past I would get defensive and angry, but they still should do it. The funny part is I have yet to even meet her in person, which I CAN'T WAIT for. People probably think how you can become friends or good friends with someone you haven’t even met. It is possible people. I have made a few good friends recently that have been a rock for me that I haven’t met as of yet. Some are close and some are far.

This person has helped me moreso than people from my past that have been friends for years and are like family, which what lifelong friends usually become. God certainly works in mysterious ways. He did for me. He gave me the greatest gift in this person who has been so inspiring and incredible moreso than people I expected it from. I have to say others in my support system were involved too. If it wasn’t for my current support system, fuggedaboudit. I can only hope these people are forever friends and are always in my life as well as in my support system when needed. It is far too great of a gift to lose. I don’t think that is God’s intention though so I am not worried. Not the way these friendships happened. It was truly a blessing. After years of pain and heartache, I finally feel some relief and see a light at the end of the tunnel. Through fights and screw ups you only become stronger friends and people. I know I have had them, just like we all have. I realized if they are still standing there after the storm, than they are worth it and deserve me as I deserve them. I do deserve to be happy and have great people in my life. I don’t blame myself anymore for things I didn’t do or can’t control. This is me. Accept me or don’t. We all have faults puh-lease. If the person runs, tries to get rid of you, or disappears than they never deserved your friendship. WTF Right? It’s not my loss it’s theirs. This is the way I see it now. No more nonsense and bs. Be a good friend or don’t. I have always been one and even better now after meeting this person.

I have to say this person is becoming one of my favorite people lately. Ok that came out wrong. You reading this (you know who you are and this is for you), you know what I mean. Lol. Maybe I care too much, or love too much, or give a damn too much, but I come to realize this is me. It is not a bad thing There is nothing wrong with it. What? Being loyal, a good friend, checking on people, staying in touch, caring, or being there no matter what? That is a bad thing these days? HA I don’t think so. I have thanked this person so much and constantly telling her how great she is and blah blah blah. She is probably tired of hearing it, but it is gratitude and a thank you for being my friend and in my life. Yes, I have said it tons of times, but she gives me the same gratitude so it works.

Going through a bunch of chaos herself, she has still managed to be there, listen, deal with my craziness sometimes, and just be a good friend. That is what I call a good egg. Not fake, egotistica, or full of it, and I have done the same for her. As it always should go both ways. I am a giver, protector, and always want to help the people I care about. I want them to be happy as well as myself. I am learning to care about myself, take care of myself, and be a bit selfish when I need too thanks to her, which I NEVER did. I made boundaries. I have taken steps I never thought I could take in my life. I have redeemed my courage that had been lost. I believe in myself again. God is so good. He has blessed me with so much and the greatest gifts we need in life. Here are on earth we need good people in our lives not toxic. Don’t baby me, tell me what I want to hear, or bs me. Be brutal, harsh, and honest. It is what I need to hear, and I do the same trust me on that. I found we were so much alike, same pasts, same craziness, and same present struggles. It is uncanny when you think about it. I feel you can always get through things together even when not close to each other. I never really thought that, but she proved me wrong. One more thing  I might can add to the list about her.

I have always had issues with trust, being hurt, mislead, or used, but I don't get that feeling from her. I never did. You can't control who you bond or connect with but go with it. Don't be afraid. I am here to tell you accept it and cherish it. You pass it up because of fears, you will most definitely be losing out and cheating yourself. Sometimes things are meant to be. Don't fight them. It is for a reason.

She opened my eyes for the first time in a long time. She called me out as I have done for her. She cared when nobody else seemed as if they truly did when I think about it. Everybody over looked and just went with it for fear of being mean or just fear of losing me as a friend. That is not a real friend. That is someone who doesn’t want to bother or care. I knew it was there for years, but she forced me to deal with thngs and not be destructive as she is able to relate. She pushed me to rid myself of toxic people and things. She said stand up for yourself. People are not going to change. I have a great deal of moral support from others, but she stood out. They some people are exceptional. Maybe I am giving to much credit. Nah I am playing around. It is the TRUTH! I am not exaggerating either. Some people just don't recognize their greatness or see it as I don't think she does. They been through too much themselves much like myself. I am often told this, but I don't see it. I guess I need to start. We definitely deserve better than we have received in our lives. Of course not all bad, but enough!

I don't ever want to say that people are my friends because they feel bad, sorry for me, or pity me and don't want ot hurt me so they stick around. That is what I used to think. No more!
I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel through ups and downs, which will always be there. I can’t say enough thank you’s. She is so many things that I have no words. Good things of course. As I have said tons of times so glad she is my friend and part of my life. This is a thank you! Wow, let me tell you nobody would probably believe on how we became friends, because I still find it to be mind boggling of all places. It’s a funny story, but a good one. I hope things only go up from here and she as well as others are a constant presence and good friend in my life. I just felt I had to say this and get this out as before I went to my meeting later today, which is something I never imagined I would be saying or doing. I am proud to know her and proud of myself. She gave me that. It was there, but she allowed me to accept it. I have made more strides in the past few months than I have in a LONG ass time. Still have a ways to go, but it will come. Up and down for now, but as she taught me fake it till you make it! It is an honor and pleasure to have met her, have her in my life, and as a friend. I can't stress enough how to not let go of the good ones people!

At this point I am probably a pain in the ass, but when I am grateful I shout it out. That's me! :)

What I am about to venture on later is because of this person. I will call her and probably say WOW, OMG, and so many other things once it is over. I am excited but scared. I think it will be the best thing I have done in a long time that is for MYSELF!


XOXOX
D

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Why Charity? Why Give? Why Get Involved?

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

I used to run a mentally disabled group home for about a year. I have to tell you my experience there was like nothing I ever experienced before. Whether it is children or adults, it is more rewarding than you can ever imagine if you are able to do this type of work. People used to ask me how I was able to perform the duties that I did working in a group home, and that is what I mean by being able to do that type of work. I had many people express to me that they would never be able to handle it. "I don't know how you do it" is what they used to say to me. I never really thought twice about it to be honest. There was something in me that thoroughly enjoyed it, although with any job there are aspects that are difficult.

I just wanted to help people and make a difference. It turns out that the patients there made quite a difference in my life as well. We all live our lives complaining about every little thing that is in comparison to some, not really that bad. Life is full of blessings as well as disappointments; otherwise, life would be boring. Getting back to my point, some people considered it charity type work. I am not really sure how I would categorize it. It came natural to me, and I enjoyed every minute of it. These individuals had a wide range of disabilities ranging from one end of the spectrum to another. Do you know that I rarely heard any complaints. I mean they smiled regularly, they laughed, they enjoyed what life they had. We complain about work, and they wanted to work. I would sometimes stand there looking around me and watching my staff with the patients and just smiled. I could have been in the worst mood, but once I got into that house and these guys made me laugh, I was like a new person. My day quickly took a turn for the better. I felt it could always be worse, and it is for many.

It wasn't anything they said or did. It was the simple fact of what they were going through in their life and still managed appreciate life as much as they could. They were funny, upbeat, and lively. That is something we all forget about in life sometimes. We all have our things, and so did they. I am not saying they did not have their moments like the rest of us. It is to be expected. Of course it is ok to be depressed, upset, and have our meltdowns; however, we have to remember that there is always someone out there that needs someone or something. We are not the only ones who sometimes feel the weight of the world is on our shoulders. I try to remember that, but I am guilty of forgetting that fact. I won't deny that fact. I just think we need to be involved more, do more for others, and try to help another if we can no matter how simple. I have always felt this way, but I become more inspired by people I meet in my life or come in contact with. It just makes it more of a pursuit of mine. I want to live my life surround by a great support system and great family and friends. Giving back not expecting anything in return is the true meaning of giving.

One day I went to get on the bus and this guy did not have enough money on his metro card as he thought he did, so the driver was going to tell him to get off. I took mine out and paid the rest of his fair. He thanked me three times! He said I will pay it forward to someone else when I refused for him to give me the money for it. I said that is all I want you to do. It is not about the big things all the time. Life is about the small gestures too. You never know where your life might take a unexpected turn no matter what situation you are in. Any one of us can end up needing assistance at some point. Never say never! Life is not as it once was these days. There are SO many people and groups out there willing to give and offer assitance in any way they can. These "so called" strangers are there to do what they can. That is what it is all about people. Together we can make a difference little by little all around the world. Let's make charity, giving, and getting involved a worldwide trend that continues to grow.

Charities and giving is something I am a HUGE advocate on. There is so much going on and so much we can do. If you can't donate, than volunteer. There is always a way to help. Go on Twitter and retweet a tweet, go on Facebook like a page, talk about it, or share the information with your friends. There are so many options if you just take the time to educate yourself and see what you can do. If you can donate just $5, than do not feel ashamed of that. That $5 will go a long way in some places. Anything is something. I say that all the time. Some are in better positions than others, but do not EVER feel as if you are not making a difference by what YOU do.

I try to spread it out in a variety of ways. That being said, all of us have one or more that big advocates on for whatever reasons we have. I try to give in everyway I can to whatever I come across daily. It is good for your heart and soul. Not that we are doing it to get something back, but it does make one feel good about who they are; however, keep in mind it is not for our benefit. We do things because that is who we are. It is not because we expect gratitude or a party. If you do things expecting something back, than it is not truly a selfless act. Some question whether that really exists. I recently came across that in one of my psychology classes. Regardless, it still matters. You are not happy because of your ego, but because you made another happy. Feel good because you did something for another.

You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you. ~ John Wooden

We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you. ~ Jeff Warner

There are numerous issues going on in the world today. There are hundreds of charities, organization, and people that inspire that exist that you can find on all over the internet. That being said, huge social media platforms are the place to such as Facebook or Twitter.

The main point here is that charity, giving, and doing for another should be contagious and spread around as much as possible. Together is the only way changes are made. It is healthy for everyone involved. If you are down, don't bring those around you down too rather do something for another. This will change your entire day around. Like I said it does not HAVE to be HUGE!

Giving someone a laugh that they needed could change the course of their day or even life. It might have been something you said or just that they needed that boost. It is not our job to know how much we changed, but that we created one. Trust me when I tell you that it will change your life as well!

There are hundreds of charities, organizations, groups, and inspiring people I could mention in this blog; however, they are not hard to find if you LOOK! It is the day and age of social media people! Look around you before you assume or pass judgments. You never know another person's situation or what is going on in another part of the world if you don't pay attention. If you REALLY LOOK, you will see what is behind the smoke and mirrors. If you can do something for a stranger or someone you know DO IT! Try everyday to see what you can do. Every moment in our life counts for something. Let's make it worth it. Especially in today's society there are more in need in the world than any of can imagine. We see it everyday by turning on our televisions or computers.

MAKE THE TIME! EVERY MORNING WHEN YOU WAKE UP THANK GOD, PRAY FOR SOMEONE ELSE, AND THAN YOURSELF! :)

Especially in today's society, charities, groups, organization, and people are in more need than they ever where before. I will repeat! Don't count yourself out because you can't make a big splash. It is not about the waves, but the ripples that can and will make a splash.

INSPIRE TO BE INSPRING!



There is a circle here that links us to one another: we each want to be happy; the social feeling of love is one of our greatest sources of happiness; and love entails that we be concerned for the happiness of others. We discover that we can be selfish together. ~ Sam Harris

Many blessings
Caio
Smile
D :)))

Thursday, September 8, 2011

What Would You Do?

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

I recently read a story over the Internet about what a person's regrets were knowing they were going to die or what would they do. They were so very simple and basic. It wasn't bungee jumping, sky diving, or anything extravagant or silly. It was meaningful things that we neglect to think of everyday such as spending more time with loved ones. That is just one example; however, we all get the point I am sure. We have to make time to notice the simple important things. It is not the huge things or crazy spontaneous things that will satisfy us. A friend asked me that same question once, and I really had no idea how to answer it; however, I do now. I don't have an answer of what I do if I found out I was dieing and had a time frame. I don't want to ever have to think what if if I can help it. I want to live my life now! I want to do whatever I can to be happy and make those around me happy. I want to spend time with my friends and loved ones, and I want to have as little regrets as possible...if any at all. The point is I don't want to have to try to fit an entire life into whatever time I might be given if that ever happened. I want to start making my dreams come a reality and not make excuses. I am too tired, another time, I am busy, I have to work, or maybe tomorrow. What if there was no tomorrow?

Life is short. We all are on a time clock if you think about it. Some might be on a shorter one or know of a more precise timeline, but our lives can be taken from us at any moment. This is why I say just live life to the fullest each day. Don't spend your days dwelling, worrying, or spending too much time on the past. All that does is cause one to go backwards in life. The point is to move towards our future. Now, I am not saying that we all do not get angry, sad, or depressed. Of course that is part of life. What I am saying is to not let that run your life and take over. Trust me when I tell you it can in a heartbeat. It eats at us and takes up a major part of our life. Time flies by to quickly to sit around and mope. I am guilty of it as I am sure the rest of you out there are as well. Bad things are going to happen, but if you pay attention something good always comes along at that time or shortly after. You have to open your eyes to what is not always seen. Everything happens for a reason. If we did not make mistakes than we would never learn from them, and we would continue on that path of destruction. It is normal to make mistakes or even do them more than once. This would be called a pattern. I have fell into those just like the rest of the world. Eventually you see it if you are willing recognize it. If you ignore it and CHOOSE to stay on the wrong paths in life, than that is your own fault.

Leave the past in the past. That is exactly what it is...the past. You can't go back, and why would you want to? What would be the point? What happened good or bad was meant to happen. It made you who you are and got you to where you are supposed to be. Life is not all fabulous 24/7, but it can be easier and almost bearable if we are strong and continue to get up and dust ourselves off. COWBOY UP people! Being angry at someone or not forgiving, this is another way to waste your time and energy. Forgiveness is for YOU not the other person. Sometimes we can rebuild broken relationships because it is unhealthy. That is ok. Release all negative feelings as quickly as you can. It is not worth it. Why? Well, while you are being angry and walking around like the entire world is on your shoulders and letting that person know it, than you let them win. They are laughing at you knowing they got to you. They got what they wanted while they are walking around without a care in the damn world living their lives. It prevents you from moving on. The more you fuel people like that in our lives, the worse they get. It will never stop unless YOU stop it! They got they best of you and that pleases them. Don't let them have that satisfaction. Head up, shoulders back, and chest out! Now, smile and screw it. There is ALWAYS something better waiting for us around the corner. Revenge is NEVER the answer for anything. Vengeance is dangerous just as anger. Emotions can run our lives if we let them. Don't go around blaming the entire world for your problems or what YOU did. Some of us had some horrifying and traumatic things happen to us, but it is up to us to fight back. If I do something careless than I can't say well it is this one or that ones fault that I did it because of what happened to me or what someone did. True, it may be life altering, but once we make that decision to do something, than it becomes our job to take responsibility. Nobody MADE us do it. We can use that excuse, but it is not valid.

Cherish your loved ones and your friends. Family essential in life. They might not always be close by either. You might not have the best relationship, but it is there and needs nurturing and attention. You don't have to be best friends or even that close to keep them close. Family is family. Of course we all have those relationships that are unhealthy for whatever reason are not good for us, but unless they are not reconcilable than don't neglect them.Near or far don't let that stop you from talking or spending time with them. Travel to see them. Make the time. Not everyone we care about or that is important is down the street. The more time you let pass, the further away you become. Even if you can't see them, than call them as much as you can. As far as friends, we probably do not get many friends in life that are REAL friends. They might be a pain in the ass, weird, crazy, nothing in common, or even pushy, but you adore and love them. There is something about them that bonds you together. Those are usually the ones you want around forever. I have plenty of friends that I look at and am like why am I friends with you again lol. Oh, I remember. I love you! Your the one that has stood by me, called me every day and night to check on me when I went through that rough patch, you were the one that didn't want anything from me, you are the one that listened to me when it was my turn, and you are the one that I can talk about a pile of shit in the street and make a great conversation about it, you are the one that did not just care about YOU and loved me back, and you are the one that makes me laugh. I went through plenty of friends that it was all about them. Once they were good again, they barely spoke to you. They got what they needed, and than a new friend came along. They were suddenly too busy to give a damn to chat. You don't always need to chat when something is wrong. You can talk when things are good too.  It is called communication and conversation. Er....it doesn't matter what you talk about.

Nobody wants people in their life that it is all about THEM! I cut ties right away with people like that. Oh I adore you, I love you, you are so awesome, you are such a good friend, you are the best, and blah blah blah. Reallly? Well, where are you now. Things are different so now I am just that person that is in your phone or on your list when you need support or something from me. I was FABULOUS than! I saw so many of my friends hurt by people like that. It was at a very young age I learned how to be a good friend. I also learned how to recognize a good friend when I see one. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting, good hearted, inspirational, and amazing people.

Don't let anybody tell you you can't do something. Don't let them take what you love away from you. Do what you LOVE! Go for every dream. If you fail, than try again. People have failed hundreds of times before they broke through barriers. NEVER let anybody have control over you, your life, or your decisions. NEVER let them make you feel like you are less of a person or can't accomplish anything. Travel, live, love, and laugh. Responsibly of course :) If you want to do things or try something, than DO IT! At least you can say you tried.

The moral of this story: There might always be something when the times comes, but you want to be able to say right now, right here, today and every other day I am happy with my life if I was to go right now. I had a good life. It is the simple things that we sometimes regret the most as I said in the beginning of the story. This is not always easy either. Unfortunately, lives are taken very early in life and life has yet to barely begin for some, but in you can still live it while you are here. IF you are NOT GONE yet, than you always have time to LIVE! My Nonna taught me this. She did everything she wanted. She had everything she wanted. She traveled. She had an amazing support system of family and friends, and she always says to me I am happy with my life. I can't ever complain. This is the way she thinks and always has. My Nonna is 90 years old today, so I would say she did something right! Wouldn't you?

Open your eyes, take a deep breathe everyday, be thankful, be grateful, go outside and enjoy nature, see the signs, enjoy life! Don't waste it! Everything does not have to be perfect because there is no such thing. We don't have to always do things how they are typically done to fit into society. Do not plan everything. Well, let's wait to do this or this would be a better time to do this. Before you know it, it is too late. GO FOR EVERYTHING IN LIFE FULL FORCE WITHOUT HESITATION!

This is my answer to my friend's question.

Caio
Many blessings. Smile :)
D

Friday, September 2, 2011

A True Friend

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

People often wonder what the meaning of a true friend is these days. I see friendships come and go like nothing. I have a different definition I guess. I think you come into contact with people who are brought into your life for a reason, and it is a blessing. I believe in building LIFE LONG friendships and relationships not "convenience friends" or temporary friends" or "friends who want something". Most people probably can count on one or two hands the "true" friends they have that they know will be there through thick and thin, when you are up and when you fall, when you laugh and when you cry, when you rise to the top of the mountain or when you fall from it. A "true friend" is someone who is standing there even when you can't see them, someone who loves you for you and nothing else, someone who loves your heart and your soul...not what you are, who you are, or what you look like. It is not a date! I don't pick my friends based on their looks, their weight, their body, their education, or their money, but it is about chemistry. It is about the inside of a person. What makes them beautiful inside will shine outside as well. You can be the most beautiful person on earth, but if you are ugly on the inside than trust me you will be ugly on the outside as well.

You do not have to have everything in common or anything in common. It is about bonds and connections. It is about those people you just feel you need in your life and should be in your life. I have friends I did not talk to you for YEARS and when we reconnected it was like we never stopped loving and caring about each other. We were right back to where we were. Now, I recommend never losing touch or contact with "true friends" even if they move or live far away, because they will be there for you in a heartbeat if they have to swim an ocean. It is sad when people lose touch for silly reasons like they don't make planes, trains, and automobiles lol. It makes the visits that much more sweeter and memorable.

You don't want a friend who the second you turn your back they stab you in it. You want one who will talk sh*t to your face and stab you in the front haha. I bet that sounds ridiculous right? PFFFFT! At least they are not going behind your back. Honesty, fights, and making mistakes are all part of a healthy friendship, but so is FORGIVENESS! If you can't be honest, than you have nothing. If what they did makes you mad, than get over it. Friends get mad at each other. When you find your way back after cooling off is when you know it is a "true friendship". I don't want someone who is only there when they have a problem or need to talk, I want someone who is there for me even if I want to talk about the clouds in the sky. You are never too busy to stay in touch or hang out. Make the time! Before you know it the time goes by in the blink of an eye.

Real friends never walk away when things get tough. They will tell you what you need to hear whether you want to or not. They will wrap a blanket around you when you are cold. They will bring you soup when you are sick. They will love you unconditionally with all your faults. They will hug you and not let go until you are ready. They will NEVER judge you. They will stand by you at your proudest moments and your weakest moments. They will never leave you in the rain. They will try to take away your pain. They will give you the truth. They will regularly tell you they love you. They will appreciate you in their life and let you know it.

It's funny over the past couple years I have made some of the greatest friends online. Some I have met and some that I will soon meet or plan too. I have seen that it is not about where you live or what you do. We are all just trying to get by. Friends come and go, but the good ones always stay. There is always a reason people come into our lives. NEVER ignore that. You heart will tell you if the person is meant to be your forever "true friend". It is like telling the difference between a good apple and a bad one.

Cherish the ones that love you, that make a difference, that are there, that you can lean on, that you can talk to, that you can call anytime day or night and talk about ANYTHING, and that truly know the meaning of a "true friendship. Those are the ones you want to grab with both hands and hold on tight and never let go.

Many blessings, SMILE :D
xo
Caio

D



Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Mommy and Daddy are Getting Divorced!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

Many children utter these words in today's society, "Mommy and daddy are getting divorced". Children are very impressionable, easily manipulated, easily brainwashed, and very confused during this time. I hear all too many times during divorces that the children are so much more involved than they should be. In fact they should not be involved at all. The only thing that should be their concern is when to pack their bags to visit the other parent. Hostility, resentment, and anger should not be a factor. The sad truth it often is. One parent is angry and decides to take it out on the child and or use that child to exact revenge against the ex. This is outrageous and also considered child abuse. I wrote on a previous subject of parental alienation, which is a very serious problem that needs an abundance of attention. You can find a great deal of information on the following links.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/101180977077/
http://www.paawareness.org/
You can also follow @paao2005 on Twitter and also @KristySwansonXO as she is her husband @LloydEisler are huge advocates trying to make a difference and speak out on this topic. They are making a difference and changing lives one person at a time. They also have an account @AlienNationMe which you can follow for information as well.

As I was saying anger is usually the force behind everything that goes array with divorces. Involving the children will not make things better or easier. All one parent is doing is being a bad parent and not caring for their child. IT IS A FORM OF ABUSE! This child is being put in the middle, forced to choose, and not sure where to put their loyalties. They should never have to make this decision or put in adult situations. If you are angry than do not use your children as an outlet. Argue or yell at each other behind closed doors, but please keep the children out of your divorce. You do not divorce children. You divorce spouses. Everybody should remain civil for their sake and maintain there once happy relationships.

By using your child to alienate an ex will in the end bring nothing but suffering to not only the children but the parents as well. Adults are equipped to handle these traumas better and they should be able to take the steps they need such as therapy to get through a bad time; however, children are plagued by questions and confusion. I know divorce is hard and sad. It is an ending to a union. That being said, children SHOULD NEVER have to know what it is like. If you truly love your children you won't do this to them. You won't force them to be put in situations they can't handle. You won't talk bad or say bad thing about your ex. You won't turn them against their parent. You won't subject them to court rooms or depositions. If you are doing any of this, than you really need to take a long look at your parenting skills and dig deep into why you are doing these things. Are you doing them because they are true or want them to be true? Are you doing them for the right reasons? Are you doing them to protect your children? Are you doing it to be selfish? Are you doing it to hurt your ex? All of the answers to these questions are probably probably no with the exception of the last two.

Even if the other parent was bad you have to go about it the proper way, but I find that most of the time alienation is not because the parent is bad or deserves it. As children grow up let them decipher and make their own decisions. It is one thing if they come to certain conclusions on their own, but it is another story when someone is putting things in their head or egging them on.

My advice to to those parents or step parents who are being alienated is to keep fighting. Don't give up even when you think the child wants you to give up, because they most likely do not. They just are lost and not sure who to be angry at or what to think. I suggest parents sit down with their kids explain why mommy and daddy or splitting up and discuss how THEY feel and make it a somewhat easy transition for them. This is what SHOULD be done and HOW it should be done. Let them know they are unconditionally loved by BOTH parents. Let them know they need not be afraid and they are safe. Reassurance is the best policy in divorces for children.

Step-mothers and fathers take notes: Yes, you are a parental figure. No you are not their mother or father. Yes they will rebel. No you should not be bad mouthing or contributing to parental alienation of their biological parent. No you should not be torturing the child. No you should not make the child choose or feel uncomfortable. You are responsible in part for the care of this child; therefore, they should be treated, cared for, and loved as if they were your own flesh and blood. Do not be a fake parental figure. Be as close as you can without over stepping any boundaries or causing trouble. There is a fine line and it is hard to be a step-parent, but you can do it the right way. If you do not want children than do not marry someone who has them.



Remember what you to do your children will haunt you down the road when they get older. At some point it WILL bite you back. They might even in turn resent you for what you did. The truth ALWAYS comes out. Trust me they will realize what you robbed them of, which is the love and affection of the alienated parent. They will never accept that they grew up without that parent because you made all the decisions for them. Children are helpless. Do not take advantage of that. That is not what parenthood is all about.

  • ANGER, FEAR
  • RESENTMENT
  • REVENGE
  • LOSS
  • SELFISH
  • HURTFUL
  • ABUSE
  • TORMENT
  • DEPRESSION
  • ANXIETY/PANIC
  • STRESS
  • CONFUSION
  • ALONE
  • LOST
  • VULNERABLE
These are just some of the words associated with divorce that in turn cause alienation. Do not let it define who you are or how you raise your children. Never let your emotions get the best of you, because they can be poisoning not only to you but your children. Look in the mirror once in awhile. If you start to not see the parent you were or do not recognize yourself, than you need to evaluate the harm you might be inflicting.

Huge and kiss your children, love them, and appreciate them and every moment they share with you!

Many blessings xo Smile :D
Caio
D

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Parental Alienation/Abuse

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

This is something I wrote but for some reason can't post to the site. I would appreciate my name not being used. I hope this in some ways helps or sheds some light on this ongoing issue. Thank you!
Let me start out by saying that it does go both ways when it comes to parenting and children. Just as a child can be abused and alienated so can a parent or family member by a child taught to do so. That being said, children are such a gift and a blessing to be cherished. Ther eis nothing more important than being a parent. I do not care what you do for a living or how successful you are, your child is your world and greatest achievement.
You never truly get over parental alientation or abuse entirely. You might heal, forgive, and move on, but the inner scars will always be there. Ther eis nothing more devastating than to feel unloved and hurt by a parent you come to know as your protector. A parent is supposed to love you unconditionally, take care of you, support you, believe in you, help you, and so much more. They are not there to belittle or berate you. It is just as bad as a bully except this by a parent, which makes it so much more painful and that much more of a nightmare.
It feels like a fight to prove yourself and be perfect because nothing is EVER good enough. No matter what you accomplish, how hard you try, or what you do, you feel that you have failed. Parents need to remember that they were once a child and how would they feel if being mistreated or subjected to such alienation. To abuse or turn a child against another parent or family member is just not the right way to handle things. IT IS NOT OK to make a child feel they have to choose. Children are not eqiupped to deal with such things. There is no manual to raising a child, but there is common sense.
Being a parent is the hardest job one will ever have. Those that take advantage of it need to seek help before it is too late.

Being a child of divorce, violence between parents, and abuse in forms of verbal, emotional, physical, and mental is devestating and horrifying in all its forms. One thing is that in divorce a parent should never bad mouth another parent or make the child feel as if they have to choose. When a child is put in that position, they feel their loyalty must be geared towards one or the other. In doing so, it causes great resentment and animosity on both sides. This just adds more fuel to the fire and the child most importantly gets hurt in the process. They start to believe the lies and it just goes downhill from there. Divorce is not going to be amicable in many cases; however, the children should not suffer and both parents need to be supportive and be careful how they act or what they say in front of a child. A parents anger for another should not be geared towards the child and a child should never be used to get back at someone. I can't stress that enough!

There is not a form of abuse that is less damaging than another. Many kids put on a facade for their friends. Some of those close friends might have even witnessed some of the going one; however, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. A child is alone, angry, depressed, full of anxiety and panic, and at some point usually does not want to live anymore. The fact that jealousy at times plays a factor in abuse is even more disturbing. How can a parent be jealous of their own child or a relationship their child has with another whether it is friends or family? You should be happy people care about and love your child.
I understand that we are all human, but there is a line you do not cross as a parent. I can't explain how hard it is to pull of out of feeling you are nothing because of being told that on a regular basis. Even when you get away from that person it is as if you still hear that echo in your head for the rest of your life. You become afraid to have your own children and your relationships never last because of your past.
There were some days where you want to be alienated because you can't take it anymore. The constant abuse whether that one day it was physical or the next day verbal does not matter. It does not have to be everyday to impact a child's life so much that they feel they are ruined even as an adult. A child becomes so stressed that is impacts their health down the road if not sooner. Some do not realize that just like smoking, drinking, or drugs, that abuse can make you sick as wel. Your body becomes weak and your immune system does not function properly, you have no appetite, and so on. All these things have a direct influence on a child's health.
A child starts to possibly become aggressive themselves in these situations. They tend to eventually think they deserve what is happening to them. They might also hit things or cut themselves as a way of releasing the demonds they feel they have inside of them. They become so accustomed to this lifestyle. When they see their friends and the great parnet or parents they have, it starts to turn into envy. Even as an adult you need and want those close relationships with your parents. Who doesn't?
That one person you can always go to and count on to be there, talk too, and confide in isn't there and it is a big part that is missing from your life. There is that feeling of being alone even when you have so much love around you from friends and other family, it is not the same. There is nothing that can replace a parents love. You look to fill that void through other relationships, and some even look for parental type figures or naturally get attached to certain personalities just to get rid of that empty feeling.
Forgviveness is the first step to healing. You don't have to reconcile to forgive. It is good for your soul, your mind, and your heart. It is vital to moving on with your life. Eventually your eyes open and you will feel sorry for those who hurt you. You will wonder what made them that type of person. You will do everything in your power to NOT follow in those same footsteps. You will realize it is not your fault and you are or were a good child. Abuse does not make you a bad child. Unfortunately, children who suffer or suffered from parental alientation/abuse think this way. Their minds are clouded and they lose all sense of self and self-esteem.
If can be comopared to sitting in the dark alone or standing in the midle of a desert with nobody around to offer you water. Your lost and confused. You try to ask yourself, "what did I do that this is happening to me", "Am I being punished", or "God why me?" Those are just some of the questions a child asks when this is happening. Their trust goes completely out the window. They put up a wall and become defensive for a long period of time, which is to be expected and understood. It does not matter which parent commits the crime of if both are guilty, it does not make the situation any easier or any less harmful.
Some children act strong and push everything down inside them as if their life is fabulous, but in their room the tears flow like a waterfall. The cries tend to even become uncontrollable, but everybody still thinks you are tough as nails until that one person comes into your life that can see right through you. That is when a light is seen at the end of the tunnel. It might be a long road to freedom and healing, but it is a good feeling to have.
This problem is a never ending cycle that needs to tackled head on RIGHT AWAY! People tend to feel they need to mind their own business, but if you see it do something about it. It becomes your business when is being hurt. Those responsible just made it your business. That is the major problem nobody wants to be the one to say anything. It just takes on voice or one person to make that difference or save that child. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS HAPPENS WELL INTO THE TEEN YEARS AS WELL IN MANY CASES!
Take care of yhour children, love them, support them no matter what, talk to them don't yell, help them, be there for them, hug and kiss them everyday, know where they are and what they are doing, TELL them you LOVe them everyday, don't take them for granted, let them make mistakes, and most of all NEVER under any circumstances feel it is ok just once to hurt your child. ABUSE is never acceptable!
I wrote this not only becuase of my love for charity, children, helping others, wanting to make a difference in the lives of children woh are being hurt, being a good person, my faith, my beliefs, morals or values, but becuase I know all to well. How do I know all to well? Well let's just say I am close to this subject and will do whatever I can to help and donate to this cause to make a difference.
Check out: www.http://www.paawareness.org/ Educate, learn, and be a good parent! Great organization! High hopes will make a HUGE difference!
Many blessings and love
xo
D

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Online Dating

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

Should I try online dating? This is a question I receive often because people are finding it hard to make time to go out and meet people. They are also tired of the same old bar or club scene. As you get older it does grow old. Everybody has a crazy schedule and online dating makes it easier to find someone and you get to see them and chat a bit before deciding if you want to go out. My first question is is if you are too busy than when will you have time to date if you do find someone you like. Are you going to make room and time in your life? The answer I get is if I meet the right one than absolutely! You also get to read a profile about them to see what you do and do not have in common. These are some of the positives of online dating.

That being said, there are plenty of negatives as well.Of course anybody can write anything. I have read profiles that sound amazing and they can barely put a sentence together wen you talk to them or when you meet them its like you met a completely different person. The problem is people do not know where to go anymore, but I also think people are looking in the wrong places. A bar is not necessarily the best place, but that is not to say you can't find a great person who happens to be having a couple drinks in a bar either. I don't want to stereotype. I personally think that people are so used to doing everything through computers that dating is another thing to add to the list and say why not? I shop online, I chat online, I pay my bills online, and so on; therefore, why not date online?

The fact is you still have to be careful. There are alot of scammers, liars, fakes, weirdos, and crazies out there as there are in the regular dating world. There is still a safety measures to follow as always such as never going to their house or a hotel, meet out in the open, meet them and use your own transportation, tell everybody where you will be, make sure your phone is fully charged, and get to know them a bit before you go out on a date. I have heard funny stories, horrible stories, and not so good stories. Those are the ones you want to avoid. Try not to exchange numbers with someone right away either. I have had experience in this arena so trust me when I tell you I learned my lesson very quick :).

Society has changed a great deal, and it is dangerous to walk a few blocks these days. Moral of the story is stay safe, be smart, and remember that dating is dating no matter how your doing it. The same rules should apply.

Caio Caio
Many blessings! Smile :D
D

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Our Children

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

This is not just in highlight of the recent events of the trial of Casey Anthony, but it is something that just goes to show what happens to our children when something goes wrong. Children of all ages are going through drastic situations everyday. Unfortunately and sadly, this is not how we want our children to end up. We all need to start paying attention to what is important. Children are the future, and they are what we all fight for. They make us laugh, cry, and are something to be cherished. Children are a blessing. Anybody is lucky to have them. It is also a fact those who should not have them get them, and the people who can't do not. I am not sure why this is, but I like to think there is a reason why everything happens in the world.

Children are so delicate. They feel and recognize everything. They can tell when they are not liked or wanted. Some parents make that known, and lash out with abuse. Abuse is not just physical. I know that is what most think of when you say abuse; however, it comes in so many forms such as mental, emotional, sexual, or verbal. These are all extremely dangerous. They can forever alter your child and their life. Even if a child gets away from the abuse, there is no guarantee that they will overcome what they have already been through. Abuse is intense in all its forms.

Parents are there to protect, communicate, love unconditionally, be there, accept, and so much more. Being a parent is much more than telling your child what to do when, where, and how. Abuse, neglect, and parental alienation is very common these days...I think it is more than any of us realize. I speak from experience when I tell you that it causes all types of emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, or panic attacks, resentment, anger issues, or isolation. In adulthood that person most likely we have an extremely defensive personality as well. We want to teach our children the right way. There is no manual, but there is a right way to parent and a wrong way. Children are delicate creatures that need to be nurtured and taken care of. There is never too much love that can be given. When they know they have support and are loved, that is when they flourish. THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!

You want to hurt your kids and make up a bunch of bullshit excuses why or deny what you have done, than you don't deserve their loyalty or love, which they will probably give you until they realize the truth. You do your kids wrong, than they counteract at some point. I can't even imagine anybody ever abusing a child in any form. They are so beautiful and amazing. They are not to be taken for granted. Do not tell them what is wrong with them, but tell them what is right with them. Tell them all the things they can do and accomplish, not what they can't. Do not tell them you are ALWAYS right and NEVER wrong, because guess what you are wrong plenty of times. YOU do not know everything about everything. Children can teach us a thing or too believe it or not. Be their best friend but at the same time a parent. It is not easy, but it is possible. Do not berate them and tell them they are nothing or worthless. Do not become jealous and try to over power what they can do with their life. If you need to do that, than you have issues.

Children are a gift. I do not know how many times I can say that. You take advantage of them, than you do not deserve them. How many couples or single parents want children in their lives and can't have them or get them? Think about it. If you do not want your child, than give it to someone who does. Do not make the wrong decision. Love is something we come across daily, but unconditional love is completely a different matter, which is what children require.

Parents are the most important part of a child's life. You go to them for everything. You want their support, understanding, and acceptance. When being ignored or abused many do not realize what that does to a child and how it destroys them inside. This especially is an issue when they see their friends and the great relationships they have with their parents. It is no easier for a boy or a girl whether the neglect, alienation, or abuse comes from a father or a mother. For a boy their father is usually their hero and for a girl their mother. I find that to be common; however, the roles are still vital. Yes you want two fabulous parents, but one fabulous parent can be enough if the other is not fit.

I am a woman, and I can tell you not having that mother daughter bond or relationship in life is very difficult. Yes you have close friends and a great support system, but their is nothing like that mother daughter or father son connection or vice versa as in father daughter or mother and son.

Always try to listen to your children and be there for them. We all need understanding. I am sure if your a parent you never made any mistakes right? Pffft yea right.  A child is so fragile, and the fragility grows into adulthood when mistreated. You become defensive and angry. You usually tend to hide your emotions and put everything deep down inside. Not to mention it has a deep influence on your own romantic relationships. There is no end to it. I can't stress the importance of parenthood. It is the most important and difficult job you will ever have in life. There are no do-overs. We all make mistakes and mess up, but there is bad parenting and good parenting. I think all parents will make wrong choices, mistakes, and think they are doing what is best, but just remember to make sure you are not hurting your child in the process. Children understand,  but when you hear them making statements like mommy or daddy doesn't care, they don't listen, they hurt me, or do bad things to me, than you have a major problem. Kids bounce back after a slight raising of the voice or normal parental punishment, but there are boundaries.

If you give your children less than 100% than you are cheating them. Every child deserves a fit parent, and every child deserves the right to be happy. 

Love, listen, communicate, support, accept, and trust in them. I think those are the most important attributes a parent can have. When I say trust I do not mean let them get away with anything and everything when you know they are doing something wrong or that can hurt them, but again I stress there is a right and more effective way to handle it and than there is the WRONG way!

I want to suggest a website to everybody to learn something, educate yourself, and become involved. http://www.paawareness.org/ You can also follow them on Twitter @paao2005. This is a great site and organization to become involved in and learn a thing or two. It is a silent matter sometimes these situations and our children are scared. Let's help and make a difference people for OUR CHILDREN!

There is so much more to say, but I will be doing follow up blogs on this subject as it is very close to my heart! The simple fact is, is that abuse in any form stays with you for live whether you forgive you never forget. Each day gets easier and eventually you overcome some of the issues and sometimes they stay with you. Most of the time any type of abuse comes with another form of abuse. If you are physically abused it most likely comes with another form of abuse in many cases. Moral of the story, take good care of your children!

Many blessings! Smile :D
Caio
D

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Combat Hospital Review

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

I am elated to see my sumemr shows coming back, but I am even more looking forward to some of the premiers. One of them happening to be Combat Hospital, which preimered on ABC on 6/21 @ 10pm. I can be somewhat picky with my shows. I like a good drama or comedy that keeps it fresh and exciting. If I stop laughing or watching, than I am sure I am not alone. Casting, talent, and delivery by the actors are a big part of making a show work; however, the writing has to be top notch. I sometimes feel that writers do not get the credit that fully deserve.

That being said, this new show has such promise. I think the cast is nicely rounded with Michelle Borth, Elias Koteas, Luke Mably, Terry Chen, etc. I enjoyed watching them, and it proved to be the right choices for the right roles. The show is compelling, intriguing, real, true, and pushes boundaries.

It is nice to see a medical drama that changes it up a bit. It is a unique setting, which I think plays a vital role in selling the show. The show kept me watching without straying or wanting to surf the channels, which means it was not boring. A show needs to hold the audiences attention, and it did just that...for me anyway. I hope ABC gives this show the chance to flourish into an amazing medical drama. It is different and unlike anything other medical drama I have seen in a long time.

The only challenge I see is to portray and represent the setting of the show sufficiently. There are times where a show tries to create something that just doesn't cut it or work well, which makes a show ridiculously unbelievable to the audience or hard to watch. Medical dramas or cop shows can be an easy target, which is why so many have failed while others succeeded. It has more to do than that because people have a preference, but there is a certain expectation. We do have to distinguish between television and reality; however, with the right components you can come as close as possible.

Medical dramas seem to be a popular genre, so let's hope people tune it and watch this one. It is well worth it. I don't want to jump ahead of myself of course, but I do think it is a keeper. :)

Caio Caio
Many blessings...smile...do something for someone else!
D ;)

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Happily Divorced Review

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

Happily Divorced premiered Wednesday 6/15/2011 eastern on TVLand @ 10:30 pm after Hot in Cleveland premier, which aired at 10:00 pm.

Let me tell how excited I was to hear that Fran Drescher got another series, and it was different. Those are the shows we want to see, and that give us a good hearty laugh. It is too much that we see spin offs and the same storylines that you get bored with after awhile. Not to mention it is based on a reality for the star, which always makes it more fun and intriguing to watch. It doesn't hurt that certain names are attached to shows either. A good and strong cast who can get the job done is the key. Meh. if you ask me I think the show SHOULD be ok in the aspect, but sometimes it is more about the entire package, and of course Fran Drescher who can definitely pull it off.

My Wednesday late night got double the fun with Hot in Cleveland, with the amazing, talented, funny, adorable, and sarcastic Betty White, and Happily Divorced. That is going to boost the show as well, and there is nothing wrong with that. Location, location, location! The pilot is always the hardest one. It needs to leave the impression that I want to watch this show again or even if I was not completely bedazzled by it, I am curious. That is when viewers will continue to tune in. I think that Happily Divorced left that enough to where people will watch or at least dvr; however, dvr is not going to cut it alone. I wasn't on the floor, but I giggled. I do think that it possibly moved a bit too fast by throwing alot into the first show for 30 minutes, but Fran Drescher still has it and always will. She is unique and her comedic ability is most likely enough to carry the show towards the ratings they need.

Overall, it is a great show that I would like to see more of. Good shows always get better. This is a good show. I am very much looking forward to future episodes, and let's watch the show people and keep it going. Anything with Fran Drescher is worth the watch! :D


Caio Caio
Many blessings...smile...do something good for someone else!
D

Sunday, June 12, 2011

My Ex...My BFF?

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

Well I have some experience here. I will start off by saying if you have kids you will have to maintain being civil and if you are good friends to boot, than all the better. Will it ruin your current relationships? I got asked that question alot. I do not have kids yet, but I think that when you have kids the dynamic is changed in relation to if you maintain a closeness with no connection or reason to.

So my experience, well let me tell you something...fuggedaboutit. First of all it took a year to get divorced. He made me promise we would always be best friends and never let anybody come between us. I said ok sounds good. When your single it sounds good. I never had so many people question my relationship with him. We hung out, he was there in a second if I needed him, and we talked pretty much everyday. We had financial reasons, but let's face it...thats not why we stayed close. It was hard to break away from a relationship like that. It is comfortable, safe, and familiar. I think that is why I agreed.

I got questions like why, what for you have no kids, do you still have feelings for him, what's going on, are you going to get back together, blah blah blah. Really? Yes, we are getting remarried because the divorce thing was just an experiment and I thought I would take you for a ride before I got back with him. Than I sat back and thought about myself in that position and how I would react. I saw the other side very quickly. I understood it and decided to rethink my sarcasm. Well not really. I am a smart ass I tell people that right up front. So trust me when I tell you it is no secret that I am not shy. If I have something to say to you I will say it. I won't go behind your back and whisper, but I will whisper it to someone else. No not really :0)

Ok back to ex's. I think they can be best friends; however, whether it is a good idea is another question. I think a couple of my relationships got ruined because of it. Not everybody understands, especially if they have never been married. Like I said kids are the only exception that if someone has issues with you being friendly with your ex, than I would say go jump in a lake. Pffftt what are you supposed to do send your children via mail to your exhusband or wife so you do not have to make someone else jealous. Dude get over it and grow up. If you really do have feelings left, and no children, than breaking free is probably the best option if there is no hope in getting back together so you can move on. You will never move on by holding on to something that has let go of you.

In my case there were feelings but more like we have a history and were together for a long time and you were a big part of my life for the past almost ten years. Ahhh the memories of me wanting to kick you in the ass on occasion or see what I could sell you for on ebay. Actually I think I liked him more divorced. Does that make sense? Probably not, but I do believe being happily divorced is possible. That being said, you can't just erase it. It does take time. For me it was a very short time as I realized he was still driving me to the brink of insanity, and I could only divorce him once. Trust me, I said dude if it were possible I would have divorced you ten times by now. Next up was separation when I moved back to New York, and than complete distance by just ceasing all contact for good. That was weird at first and tough, but it was mutual.

Eventually I think it does go away naturally in some cases. I think there comes a time where you say can we really do this forever? Are we playing with fire? Are we going to lose someone we really care about? Than there is the trust issue. Now, some might say hey if you have a problem with a friendship than I am sorry. Some will fight for that without a doubt. I was like that I think for all of about two seconds. I mean honestly we talked about relationships and it got a bit weird. When he drove me back to New York his twelve year old new girlfriend called about fifty times every hour. Ok she wasn't really twelve, that was me being a smartass again. I told him do you want me to get on the phone and tell her that I don't want you and not to worry. I mean damn. She called so much that I started calling her by a nickname like she was my BFF. I so did not just say BFF. Well, I did but don't judge me! :) Anyway, as I was saying the entire situation was coming to the surface. Both of us didn't want to let go of the friendship we had; however, I do wonder what he is doing and how he is. I do wish him the best, and I probably won't hang up on him if he calls :p

P.S. I just realized that I wrote BFF in my title too. Oh yeah I said it twice. That's right. Ok now don't tell anybody. I will completely deny it.

Caio Caio
Many blessings...smile :)
D

Saturday, June 11, 2011

NOH8

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

First I want to start by saying I do not live in California I live in New York; however, I still have my opinion on the matter, which is exactly what I intend to give. I had to think hard on what I wanted to say here because it is a very touchy and controversial subject. That being said, it was not only that, it is the fact that I wanted to make sure everything I wanted to convey was properly stated. I sometimes like to think before I write rather than just writing. This is not a draft where you write whatever blurts out of your mind and edit it later. Wait...I lied I can edit this lol. Ok, that is besides the point. :) Here it goes!

I think that people need to take a deeper look. Have we not fought for equality for years in a variety of different aspects? It goes back decades and still people are fighting today apparently. I think as a society we have grown to the point that this should not be an issue anymore. I do not think anybody has a right to stand in judgment here. NOBODY! Unfortunately, it is left up to the hot mess of a political pool we have on our hands. Everytime I turn on the television you here of some other horrific political OOPS! I mean I am not going to name names or mention every single politial public figures misdeeds, but we know who they are. Just log on to Facebok or Twitter it is probably trending. Talk about embarassing.

Is this really the excuse that we are going to go with...the sanctity of marriage, because that went out the window years ago. Divorce is a trend these days. I am not saying that I agree with it, but I am saying it has close to or possibly surpassed the unification of marriage. Look up some statistics and numbers. It is very rare that people take the time to fix things anymore. It is more like hey it's not working out let's split up. My nonna was married for over fifty years and would still be going strong if my grandfather did not pass away. She is now 90 and all she talks about is marriage and family. It is that generation that looked at marriage differently than we do now. I myself am divorced so it does happen and is in certain situations absolutely the best choice. Again, back in the day people stayed together and didn't let every little thing destroy their lives. This is not about divorce either; however, if we are going to discuss sanctity of marriage than it certainly holds a high value on the subject.

Next, yes I am going to go there. Religion. I believe in GOD and my faith is highly important to me; however, I am not a hipocrit nor do I choose to judge people. Some main beliefs of GOD is peace, love, and forgiveness. Sin is everywhere, so spare me the holy rollers who try to justify violent or destructive actions. I don't want to hear someone preach, who themselves is guilty of a list of things. The church is seen as a joke by many today because of the indecencies that take place by so called priests and pastors and even members. I have seen preachers preach about divorce, affairs, living together before marriage and so on. These are all things in the bible we should not be doing yet one day you hear your pastor is getting divorced or members of your church are having an affair and moving in together. Yes, its true I have experienced it myself. So you see we are all human, and not one person should preach themselves a better person or Christian in relation to another.

The point of me bringing up religion is because I am sure the bible is another excuse to have passed this law. Since when are ALL laws decided or were ever decided by the bible. If that was the case than the world would be a very different place. So than let me ask these same people about the laws on a plethora of matters. I am not going to bring them up because I think we all know some of what these are too. I mean people want to talk about legalizing prostitution and marijuana. Really? Oh yeah, those are things that need to be legalized in relation to people wanting to love each other and put a ring on that person's finger. Puh-lease. It is so contradictory. You can't do or say one thing against religion and than ban another claiming religious beliefs.  We can't pick and choose what suites us. It was ok to take GOD out of schools though and off television because his name was said too much on a show. Hello! That was acceptable? Are laws now based on bias opinion or personal feelings. I thought when making decision we are supposed to ignore those things and look at the entire picture along with the facts.

You do not necessarily need to agree with it, but the cause is not about what you see on the surface. It is about LOVE, AFFECTION, RIGHTS, EQUALITY, AND SO MUCH MORE! God is not about anger, violence, protesting, judgment, or prejudice. In fact those are all against the bible. Nobody is saying you have to be gay or lesbian and jump into their bed. Preachers and religious protestors who go out and cause destruction, call people names, create violence, and damn people to hell are not people of GOD. They are people who think they are or who believe what they are doing is right. It does not mean that it is. They discriminating against their very truth of the bible they claim to be their way of life. I dare to say if any of them actually even read the bible all the way or even opened it. It is very easy to hang up crosses, claim a religion, and praise or preach, but than go in their room close the door and change their clothes. I don't mean that literally either. I mean it as changing of their face. You claim to be one person but when nobody is looking you are somebody else.

Are we afraid that we might look bad pfftt...that went out the window a long time ago too. Um, I can create a list of things if necessary to be embarrassed about in our country. I mean again I say REALLY? I find that any excuse is just ridiculous to say the least. Excuse after excuse rather than just saying the truth. Prejudice, discrimination, hatred, personal bias, and so on. We are so afraid of this law you would think they passing a law to commit murder. I mean requesting judges step down because of their sexual orientation? Whose business is that? I have to say that I agree with unless he was attempting to marry his partner, than it is not a conflict of interest. It's not like anybody's personal morals, values, and beliefs will be altered or affected. What someone else chooses to do is their business. Why do we have to open everybody's doors and tell them what they can and can't do or say. So let's ban freedom of speech and undo everything we have worked so hard to overcome over decades. Might as well right? We already do not make sense in half the things we do so why not make add a little more fuel to the fire.

One love people! That is what it is about. What is funny is that these people are pushing for something that what so many take for granted. You want to talk about the sanctity of marriage. Excuse me, isn't that what they are trying to do is prove how important it is to them to make it official with the ones they love and share their lives with as a woman and a man do. Here we are again facing a dilemma where preaching marriage is sacred. Is it not sacred for everybody or are we just weeding out certain people that it pertains too. So when people get divorced should we ban that stating that marriage is sacred. Makes more sense if that is one of the main reasons we are banning marriage for a select group people based on sexual orientation.

I wonder if we should be looking at the decision makers for proposition 8. Let's delve into their lives. I am sure you will find plenty of skeletons behind their closed doors. Hmmm...haha. In all seriousness some of the most beautiful people I have met in my life are gay or lesbian and I love them dearly. I would stand behind them and fight in a second. Marriage is marriage. Look at it from another angle. Nobody is asking for personal opinion or to join in or convert. Give me a break. There is no differentiating. Simple. Enough said.

Every do me a favor actually check out the website and google proposition 8 and get involved in what is really going on. Do not listen to hearsay. Get the facts. Look beneath the surface. Don't embrace ignorance. Get the message. Don't be scared to stand up. Never go down without a fight. Believe in something. Be good to yourself and others. Love one another as there are no differences as if we all look the same. That is how it should be! I am not saying my one voice will change anything, but it certainly helps to add as many voices as we can just because WE CAN!
http://www.noh8campaign.com/

P.S. I wonder if they ever read up on Separation of church and state??? Dear decision makers of proposition 8: Yes they are two different entities. In case you were not aware.

American the land of the free? Hmmm...questionable these day maybe?
SAY NO TO HATE!

Caio Caio
Many blessings...smile :)
D

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

NYC Subway

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

Look I get that its a subway, UNDERGROUND, but seriously does it have to be the worst experience ever everytime. I feel like I am in a rat infested, dirty, pee smelling hole. Wait, that's because I am. I mean paint it up a little bit. I think we can make it a little pretty. Don't ya think? It doesn't have to be a palace, but when you go to the city they are so much nicer.

I feel like I need to put on a hazard suite just to go to work. I carry like uber bottles of sanitizer and yes I do carry gloves. I am not OCD, but the germs must be tremendous. Well, maybe I am a little. :p I can't even think about it. The subway ride isn't any better. You got people with their fingers up their nose, hands down their pants, or drunk. One time a dude was passed out cold, another guy licking his shoe for fifteen minutes, and to top it off I see at least one ass a day. I don't even want to admire my own ass let alone a strangers ass.

Than you have fights, screaming teenagers, people talking loudly on their phones like they are trying to see if someone in Jersey can hear them, or people eating like they are at their dinner tables creating all types of smells that are just not good when mixed together ugh. EWWWE! It really is just gross. I mean I think we need to enforce some more rules or regulations or put up ginormous signs saying please no disgusting things or habits allowed on the subway or bus. OH and please be neat, clean, and courteous of others in stations and on the train. Thank you very much and have a nice day. SMILE!

I am just saying!

Caio Caio
Many blessings!
D