Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.
This is not just in highlight of the recent events of the trial of Casey Anthony, but it is something that just goes to show what happens to our children when something goes wrong. Children of all ages are going through drastic situations everyday. Unfortunately and sadly, this is not how we want our children to end up. We all need to start paying attention to what is important. Children are the future, and they are what we all fight for. They make us laugh, cry, and are something to be cherished. Children are a blessing. Anybody is lucky to have them. It is also a fact those who should not have them get them, and the people who can't do not. I am not sure why this is, but I like to think there is a reason why everything happens in the world.
Children are so delicate. They feel and recognize everything. They can tell when they are not liked or wanted. Some parents make that known, and lash out with abuse. Abuse is not just physical. I know that is what most think of when you say abuse; however, it comes in so many forms such as mental, emotional, sexual, or verbal. These are all extremely dangerous. They can forever alter your child and their life. Even if a child gets away from the abuse, there is no guarantee that they will overcome what they have already been through. Abuse is intense in all its forms.
Parents are there to protect, communicate, love unconditionally, be there, accept, and so much more. Being a parent is much more than telling your child what to do when, where, and how. Abuse, neglect, and parental alienation is very common these days...I think it is more than any of us realize. I speak from experience when I tell you that it causes all types of emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, or panic attacks, resentment, anger issues, or isolation. In adulthood that person most likely we have an extremely defensive personality as well. We want to teach our children the right way. There is no manual, but there is a right way to parent and a wrong way. Children are delicate creatures that need to be nurtured and taken care of. There is never too much love that can be given. When they know they have support and are loved, that is when they flourish. THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!
You want to hurt your kids and make up a bunch of bullshit excuses why or deny what you have done, than you don't deserve their loyalty or love, which they will probably give you until they realize the truth. You do your kids wrong, than they counteract at some point. I can't even imagine anybody ever abusing a child in any form. They are so beautiful and amazing. They are not to be taken for granted. Do not tell them what is wrong with them, but tell them what is right with them. Tell them all the things they can do and accomplish, not what they can't. Do not tell them you are ALWAYS right and NEVER wrong, because guess what you are wrong plenty of times. YOU do not know everything about everything. Children can teach us a thing or too believe it or not. Be their best friend but at the same time a parent. It is not easy, but it is possible. Do not berate them and tell them they are nothing or worthless. Do not become jealous and try to over power what they can do with their life. If you need to do that, than you have issues.
Children are a gift. I do not know how many times I can say that. You take advantage of them, than you do not deserve them. How many couples or single parents want children in their lives and can't have them or get them? Think about it. If you do not want your child, than give it to someone who does. Do not make the wrong decision. Love is something we come across daily, but unconditional love is completely a different matter, which is what children require.
Parents are the most important part of a child's life. You go to them for everything. You want their support, understanding, and acceptance. When being ignored or abused many do not realize what that does to a child and how it destroys them inside. This especially is an issue when they see their friends and the great relationships they have with their parents. It is no easier for a boy or a girl whether the neglect, alienation, or abuse comes from a father or a mother. For a boy their father is usually their hero and for a girl their mother. I find that to be common; however, the roles are still vital. Yes you want two fabulous parents, but one fabulous parent can be enough if the other is not fit.
I am a woman, and I can tell you not having that mother daughter bond or relationship in life is very difficult. Yes you have close friends and a great support system, but their is nothing like that mother daughter or father son connection or vice versa as in father daughter or mother and son.
Always try to listen to your children and be there for them. We all need understanding. I am sure if your a parent you never made any mistakes right? Pffft yea right. A child is so fragile, and the fragility grows into adulthood when mistreated. You become defensive and angry. You usually tend to hide your emotions and put everything deep down inside. Not to mention it has a deep influence on your own romantic relationships. There is no end to it. I can't stress the importance of parenthood. It is the most important and difficult job you will ever have in life. There are no do-overs. We all make mistakes and mess up, but there is bad parenting and good parenting. I think all parents will make wrong choices, mistakes, and think they are doing what is best, but just remember to make sure you are not hurting your child in the process. Children understand, but when you hear them making statements like mommy or daddy doesn't care, they don't listen, they hurt me, or do bad things to me, than you have a major problem. Kids bounce back after a slight raising of the voice or normal parental punishment, but there are boundaries.
If you give your children less than 100% than you are cheating them. Every child deserves a fit parent, and every child deserves the right to be happy.
Love, listen, communicate, support, accept, and trust in them. I think those are the most important attributes a parent can have. When I say trust I do not mean let them get away with anything and everything when you know they are doing something wrong or that can hurt them, but again I stress there is a right and more effective way to handle it and than there is the WRONG way!
I want to suggest a website to everybody to learn something, educate yourself, and become involved. http://www.paawareness.org/ You can also follow them on Twitter @paao2005. This is a great site and organization to become involved in and learn a thing or two. It is a silent matter sometimes these situations and our children are scared. Let's help and make a difference people for OUR CHILDREN!
There is so much more to say, but I will be doing follow up blogs on this subject as it is very close to my heart! The simple fact is, is that abuse in any form stays with you for live whether you forgive you never forget. Each day gets easier and eventually you overcome some of the issues and sometimes they stay with you. Most of the time any type of abuse comes with another form of abuse. If you are physically abused it most likely comes with another form of abuse in many cases. Moral of the story, take good care of your children!
Many blessings! Smile :D
Caio
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