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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Great Friends are Great Blessings!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

In Life we come into contact with many people. Some good and some bad, and also some that will hurt us beyond repair. So we think, that is never the case. We always hope to find good eggs (as a friend of mine likes to say). I am a good egg she said. I like to believe that, but we all make mistakes or mess up in our lives and our relationships. It still makes us a good egg. We are human. This person knows exactly who she is so I don’t have to say names. Not my style. It’s the words, principles and actual person, not the name. It is about laughing, crying, and so many other emotions that bring friendships full circle.

As I was saying, we all hope to be forgiven for whatever mistakes we make. I happen to forgive no matter what. I feel it is for my purpose and not the other person. I talk about real friends all the time. We can probably count them on one to two hands. That is just a simple fact. We go through life thinking we have some forever friends that the second you are not perfect, make a mistake, or whatever the case is dumps you and tells you to go jump in a lake. That is just cold blooded and not right. We don’t say you didn’t do what I want or you don't kiss my ass enough so see ya. That is not how it works. If you think it does than your SADLY MISTAKEN! It’s called ego people. Get over yourselves. That being said, until recently I think I had a misconception about real friends myself. I have a good definition, but it did need some clarification. In coming into contact with this amazing person, which I have to say was something most would not expect the way we met ;); I am able to define it better. I realized others just ignored things rather than telling me like it is. In the past I would get defensive and angry, but they still should do it. The funny part is I have yet to even meet her in person, which I CAN'T WAIT for. People probably think how you can become friends or good friends with someone you haven’t even met. It is possible people. I have made a few good friends recently that have been a rock for me that I haven’t met as of yet. Some are close and some are far.

This person has helped me moreso than people from my past that have been friends for years and are like family, which what lifelong friends usually become. God certainly works in mysterious ways. He did for me. He gave me the greatest gift in this person who has been so inspiring and incredible moreso than people I expected it from. I have to say others in my support system were involved too. If it wasn’t for my current support system, fuggedaboudit. I can only hope these people are forever friends and are always in my life as well as in my support system when needed. It is far too great of a gift to lose. I don’t think that is God’s intention though so I am not worried. Not the way these friendships happened. It was truly a blessing. After years of pain and heartache, I finally feel some relief and see a light at the end of the tunnel. Through fights and screw ups you only become stronger friends and people. I know I have had them, just like we all have. I realized if they are still standing there after the storm, than they are worth it and deserve me as I deserve them. I do deserve to be happy and have great people in my life. I don’t blame myself anymore for things I didn’t do or can’t control. This is me. Accept me or don’t. We all have faults puh-lease. If the person runs, tries to get rid of you, or disappears than they never deserved your friendship. WTF Right? It’s not my loss it’s theirs. This is the way I see it now. No more nonsense and bs. Be a good friend or don’t. I have always been one and even better now after meeting this person.

I have to say this person is becoming one of my favorite people lately. Ok that came out wrong. You reading this (you know who you are and this is for you), you know what I mean. Lol. Maybe I care too much, or love too much, or give a damn too much, but I come to realize this is me. It is not a bad thing There is nothing wrong with it. What? Being loyal, a good friend, checking on people, staying in touch, caring, or being there no matter what? That is a bad thing these days? HA I don’t think so. I have thanked this person so much and constantly telling her how great she is and blah blah blah. She is probably tired of hearing it, but it is gratitude and a thank you for being my friend and in my life. Yes, I have said it tons of times, but she gives me the same gratitude so it works.

Going through a bunch of chaos herself, she has still managed to be there, listen, deal with my craziness sometimes, and just be a good friend. That is what I call a good egg. Not fake, egotistica, or full of it, and I have done the same for her. As it always should go both ways. I am a giver, protector, and always want to help the people I care about. I want them to be happy as well as myself. I am learning to care about myself, take care of myself, and be a bit selfish when I need too thanks to her, which I NEVER did. I made boundaries. I have taken steps I never thought I could take in my life. I have redeemed my courage that had been lost. I believe in myself again. God is so good. He has blessed me with so much and the greatest gifts we need in life. Here are on earth we need good people in our lives not toxic. Don’t baby me, tell me what I want to hear, or bs me. Be brutal, harsh, and honest. It is what I need to hear, and I do the same trust me on that. I found we were so much alike, same pasts, same craziness, and same present struggles. It is uncanny when you think about it. I feel you can always get through things together even when not close to each other. I never really thought that, but she proved me wrong. One more thing  I might can add to the list about her.

I have always had issues with trust, being hurt, mislead, or used, but I don't get that feeling from her. I never did. You can't control who you bond or connect with but go with it. Don't be afraid. I am here to tell you accept it and cherish it. You pass it up because of fears, you will most definitely be losing out and cheating yourself. Sometimes things are meant to be. Don't fight them. It is for a reason.

She opened my eyes for the first time in a long time. She called me out as I have done for her. She cared when nobody else seemed as if they truly did when I think about it. Everybody over looked and just went with it for fear of being mean or just fear of losing me as a friend. That is not a real friend. That is someone who doesn’t want to bother or care. I knew it was there for years, but she forced me to deal with thngs and not be destructive as she is able to relate. She pushed me to rid myself of toxic people and things. She said stand up for yourself. People are not going to change. I have a great deal of moral support from others, but she stood out. They some people are exceptional. Maybe I am giving to much credit. Nah I am playing around. It is the TRUTH! I am not exaggerating either. Some people just don't recognize their greatness or see it as I don't think she does. They been through too much themselves much like myself. I am often told this, but I don't see it. I guess I need to start. We definitely deserve better than we have received in our lives. Of course not all bad, but enough!

I don't ever want to say that people are my friends because they feel bad, sorry for me, or pity me and don't want ot hurt me so they stick around. That is what I used to think. No more!
I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel through ups and downs, which will always be there. I can’t say enough thank you’s. She is so many things that I have no words. Good things of course. As I have said tons of times so glad she is my friend and part of my life. This is a thank you! Wow, let me tell you nobody would probably believe on how we became friends, because I still find it to be mind boggling of all places. It’s a funny story, but a good one. I hope things only go up from here and she as well as others are a constant presence and good friend in my life. I just felt I had to say this and get this out as before I went to my meeting later today, which is something I never imagined I would be saying or doing. I am proud to know her and proud of myself. She gave me that. It was there, but she allowed me to accept it. I have made more strides in the past few months than I have in a LONG ass time. Still have a ways to go, but it will come. Up and down for now, but as she taught me fake it till you make it! It is an honor and pleasure to have met her, have her in my life, and as a friend. I can't stress enough how to not let go of the good ones people!

At this point I am probably a pain in the ass, but when I am grateful I shout it out. That's me! :)

What I am about to venture on later is because of this person. I will call her and probably say WOW, OMG, and so many other things once it is over. I am excited but scared. I think it will be the best thing I have done in a long time that is for MYSELF!