I have to be honest when I say this is one of the most awesome things I could have received on my birthday from a friend. The fact that she knew it was probably hard for me for my first birthday without my grandmother was so thoughtful, and it was in fact a very different birthday compared to any other. It was sad and difficult, but I got through it. The fact that I was injured threw my plans out the window anyway; however, I was completely overwhelmed by the love, the messages, the texts, the calls, and posts from my friends and loved ones. It made my day much easier.
You know for years I haven't done much. I am not sure exactly why I never did. I have always seen it as just another day, and I have had some awesome birthday opportunities that I just turned down flat. People always asked me what I did because they expected something huge as I always go big. When I used to sit on the couch and have those talks with my Nonna she always told me that it is not just another day. She said it was my special day and should be celebrated. I never took it seriously when she said that. I figured I will make her happy and tell her it was fabulous. I am just not in the mood to do anything was not an answer she was willing to accept.
To this day, I wonder what happened along the way where my birthday became almost non-existent to me. It is almost as if in my mind it was already ruined for whatever reason that escaped me. I was completely negative in every aspect of my "so called" special day. I guess I was always waiting for a shoe to drop or something to happen as it did in the past that would ruin it. I figured I would stay ahead of the game by just expecting a catastrophe or for someone important to me to forget. I no longer waited for phone calls, texts, cards, or messages.
The truth is , every year there was always something that I felt took the feeling out of my birthday. In my opinion, the zest was gone. I realized I was the one holding onto something that no longer made birthdays a big deal. My Nonna was right! They are a big day. It is celebrating life, health, and happiness with the ones that are close to us. It is all about the love. Rather than being stubborn or a party pooper, I should be the life of the party as is expected of me. I don't want to bring other people down around me or assume I am going to treat their special day as I do mine. In fact, I always went way beyond on birthdays for those I cared about and loved. I wanted to do for others, but I did not let others do for me.
Now, that makes absolutely no sense...right?! I guess I figured since I am older why does it need to be this big extravaganza. By doing this, how can I blame a person for not making a big deal or forgetting. That would be my own fault. When you treat something as if it does not exist, than it tends to fade away on its own.
Now that my grandmother is gone, I have to make a promise to myself to make sure that on my special day I make it exactly that...a special day! I know she would disappointed in me if I did not. Now that she is seeing every move I make from up above, it a bit harder to fib :) Why shouldn't I celebrate my special day? It is another year I am grateful to be alive and have the life that I have. I have amazing people in my life that I cherish. Why not go big? Boy, I have been missing out!
The true meaning of a birthday "a special day" is not about presents or parties (although those are good too hehe). It is about people who want to share that day with you, wish you the best, show you they love and care about you, and celebrate being YOU and all the special amazing things about YOU! It is indeed a special day! Sometimes we get caught up in being busy and the unimportant things that we lose sight of this.
Make sure that each and every year you celebrate your "special day" in a very special way! Don't underplay it, ignore it, or ever be too busy to do something no matter how small it might be. It is a day that should be acknowledged.
My Nonna gave me an amazing gift this year...she reminded me what my special day is all about! Of course, she always drilled this into my head for years, but for some reason this year it stuck!
Actually, from now on I am going to wish the people in my life a "HAPPY SPECIAL DAY"! It just works.
Love
D :)
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