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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Never Goodbye, Only See Ya Later!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

How many times in our life do we think that we have to say goodbye. The truth is we really don't. Is it truly ever goodbye anyway? Think about it for a second. Even in death, we will see that person again if that is your belief. Saying goodbye is like closing the door on that person. For the ones who are still here, you are still going to talk on the phone, text, Skype, email, and visit. Let's not forget the ever growing trend of keeping in touch through Facebook and Twitter. 

I very rarely say goodbye to anybody. I will say see ya later, talk to you soon, ciao, etc. I don't believe in goodbyes, just as I don't believe in going away angry. I don't even like going to bed angry. I am the type of person that likes everything solved the same day. Call me anal...maybe, but that is me.

I remember all the times while I was growing up and people were leaving or passing away, and I was so upset that I never got to say goodbye. I kept saying I will see you soon or I will call you soon. You procrastinate and soon becomes later and later. The sad thing is that later eventually becomes too late. We never know when someone will leave, so while they are in front of you make sure that you are not too busy to make time for that person even if it is just for a moment. That moment can last a lifetime. You don't want to kick yourself down the road. You don't want to say I shoulda, coulda, or woulda if only...blah blah blah.

Just do it! It is not hard, and it does not take much time to keep in touch. For those that live close to you, there are no excuses! Eventually, I realized that I didn't need to see them to say goodbye, and I did not want to say goodbye anyway. As far as I am concerned, I carry anybody who is gone around with me in my heart everyday. I know somehow I will see them again. I see the same strangers everyday living in NYC. It is amazing the familiar faces that you see. If I can meet the same strangers at any time of the day in this huge city, than I am sure as hell not saying goodbye to the people I know.

Even when a relationship is ending and you know you will never see that person again, you still don't necessarily have to say goodbye as in forever, because we should NEVER say NEVER! It is equal to us getting snockered one night and saying that we are NEVER going to touch another drink until a few days later when we do it again. We all know we have been there. There is no getting away from that one.

The truth is, is that we are all connected in some way. It might be further down the line, but you would be surprised how life works that way. A mutual friend might be friends with a person that you never thought you would see or speak to again. There is a reason these things happen when they do. When I got divorced I figured I would never see him again because we had no children. The hilarious thing is that we had a blast at our divorce hearing (if that even makes sense) and we remained best friends after that. I never had plans to say goodbye, but I was prepared to go our separate ways.

It wasn't until I moved back to NY where things started to fall apart with the friendship we tried to keep alive. Life just became different for both of us, and I think it was time to finally go down our own paths in life. Those paths were very different at that time in our lives. At one point I thought we would always be on the same path, but as we got older we grew apart. This happens with family, friends, and lovers. It just IS!

To this day, maybe about two or so years now if not more, we have not spoken. Do I think one day we will again? Maybe...just maybe. My point is, is that people come and go in our lives. They make an impression. It might be a good or bad or both, but they leave a mark. I think of all the people I have lost and it saddens me, but than I remember it is not the end!

To me when you say goodbye, you are saying that you will forget everything about that person and what they meant to you. I have no time for goodbyes in my life. My heart is big enough for everybody to fit inside of it and take along for the ride. Goodbye is much too final...

I left so many great friends when I moved back home to New York. It had been years since I had lived here, and I had made tons and tons of friends while I lived in Florida for all those years. That was about the only thing that might have stopped me from leaving; however, it didn't, and you know why? I felt it was vital for me to follow my heart at that point. You can't be afraid to live because of a fear of saying goodbye. This is another good point to mention. The fear of those words or actions prevents people from living or just simply doing. I have to say at that time it did not even cross my mind who I saw and who I did not see. I had a goal in mind, and I went for it.

At first this bothered me, but than I realized that I was going to see them when I visited or they visited me. Not to mention the fact I speak to most of them often. I will admit I got angry with some of them because I couldn't believe that they had no problem not seeing me off or saying goodbye. Did they think like I did? They sure did. I found out some were not able to bring themselves to see me, because it was much too hard. I understood that in a way, but I told them it will never be goodbye. I had no right to be upset because I made no effort myself due to the same fear. I let fear stop me from seeing people I loved for what would be a long time until I was back. In the end, that was the real reason I was upset. It was not about the goodbyes.

I remember one of my last encounters before I left Florida was with my ex-father-in-law, as my ex-husband was the one who drove me back to New York. This was what ended up being our last hurrah together! It was bitter-sweet I will say. It was a new chapter for me and I was both scared and excited. He helped me with the scared part. My last day in Florida as I looked up at my ex-husband I saw tears rolling down his face just as they did when he left me in New York. I will admit they did for me too. It was not because it was goodbye, it was because it was the end of our life together. It was the end of a life I had built there for many years as well, but it was good for us to have that moment. I did not let fear stop any emotions that day as I normally would have. I never said goodbye to him, because it wasn't goodbye. It was I will speak to you soon. I spoke to him for a long time  until after that until the time came to completely close the book on our relationship. Unfortunately, there are endings even without goodbyes.

My friend said, "I thought you don't believe in goodbyes." I said, "I don't, but I do believe in endings" I wasn't exactly sure what the difference was or what I meant by that. I am still not sure if I do. The way I see it, an ending is just a new beginning. An ending just means the story is over, but not that it can't be re-written or a new chapter added. An ending might be closing a door, but I will always leave a window open. In my book, a goodbye is forever!

When my Nonna passed away, I never not once said goodbye to her. I refused to even when she was alive I told her she had to live forever, and she will do just that inside of me. You can keep anybody alive when they have passed on. They live through you, your family, your children, and your memories. Unless you are giving up on all of those, than they are never completely gone. I see her all around me in total strangers. Of course I get upset when I think about her not being here with me, but oddly, it puts a smile on my face.

Even when the book is closed, it does not mean it can never be re-opened. Just might need a little dusting! :)

I will see YOU later!  

D :)

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