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Monday, August 20, 2012

You Are Not Too Busy! It is Bullsh*t!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

I’m so busy! Bullsh*t!
How often do we say time goes by so fast? We say it a lot right? I know I say it all the time. It was just yesterday I felt like I was graduating high school and not too long after that getting married. Now I am 33 and divorced. Not exactly the plan I had for my personal life. I don’t have regrets because I would not be where I am, who I am, and have the life and new amazing people that have become such good friends. I have come a long way, and accomplished quite a bit since my days where I felt a bit lost. I definitely lead an exciting life. I also reconnected with old friends over the last few years as well. Life changed for me, but I did regret losing touch with all those people back in the day. Of course years later thanks to social media life for me drastically changed in a variety of ways.

My main point today is that on a regular basis I either told people I was too busy, I will call you soon, or I will visit soon. Those days never came. I ended up losing touch for years or it was a touch and go every once in awhile. That is not how friendships or any relationship should work. Nobody is that busy. I used it as an excuse when I was tired or not in the mood. I should have just been honest, but instead I came up with a plethora of excuses. I even did that when making plans. I would make them and have to cancel for whatever reason or simply because I was exhausted. It was not because I did not want to see the person or hang out with the person, but eventually people stop asking, they stop calling, and they go about their lives. This rule should not just apply to friends, but loved ones (family) too.

When this happens we can’t expect anything less. People should not have to wait weeks or months for a call back or make plans just to have them broken. It was not on purpose, but things happen or come up. We make decisions on the spur of the moment. I have noticed I am not the only one who falls into this category. I think we all do to a certain extent, but I noticed people who truly don’t. They say they are going to call and they do. If you call them they pick up even if it is to say I have to call you back. They send a text and respond to a text. It might not be that second, but it doesn’t take a day to a week later. They make an effort to keep in touch. Some do this more than others. Does it depend on the friendship or how close you are? Friends are friends. Yes we have close friends, good friends, best friends, and friends that are like family. In my opinion, a true friend eventually becomes all of these at some point. It sounds funny, but they say you know it is real when you have survived your first fight. My friendships mean the world to me, but sometimes we need to show it more. We can’t just randomly, when we remember, say I miss you and love you. There needs to be communication on both ends. I can recall several times where a friend of mine called me various times and I kept forgetting to call her back. Shame on me! It had been months when I finally called her. Than it is a game of phone tag, which delays it even longer. It becomes a vicious cycle.
I have weathered plenty of storms with my friends, and they are still there. I guess that saying is true. I might even say they are stronger friendships because of those disagreements or arguments. I have lost friends, family, and other people that once were a part of my life quite a bit over the last year or so. It makes you sit down and truly ponder what if. All those times I cancelled or didn’t pick up the phone, and now it is too late. That feeling is horrendous. I never want to live through that again. So the next time, I won’t be too busy. The truth is it is bullshit anyway. Yes, all my friends are going to kill me for admitting this. Ha! Truth is the ones who know me already know this. We all have lives and are busy. Yes, some are busier compared to others, but spare me the speech that you don’t have a few minutes in a day to make a call, answer a text, and eventually have a conversation at some point. Is it really strenuous to hold a conversation these days where it does not involve texting? We have become so impersonal over the years. The fact that talking is now seen as inconvenient and secondary to texting is truly a shame. That one day will come when you go to call a person and they won’t pick up the phone or you will hear of news that breaks your heart as I have in the past.
You don’t have to talk for hours, just make time in your schedule for those that mean something to you, that you care about, that you love, that you cherish, that you are grateful for, and that are there for you. We get very few chances in life and if we are lucky we meet some of the most amazing individuals that we now call out friends. Life is just not long enough for us to say we are too busy every moment of every day. Don’t just wonder how someone is doing or try to have a conversation through a text message. I can’t tell you how many times I have done that and others have done it to me, and it is just absolutely ridiculous. By the time you do all that, you might as well have picked up the damn phone. If you don’t want to talk to that person just tell them. I don’t wanna talk right now or I can’t deal. Just stay away from the words “too busy” because again…it is BS!
Also don’t tell someone you are gonna call them and don’t. I won’t lie I am guilty of everything I have mentioned, but I had an epiphany over the weekend. I read an article about someone who took their life much like a couple of people I have known. If you don’t pick up the phone, visit, or make an effort to keep a relationship strong, it fades. I know I don’t want to be one of those people who sits and has regrets about something as silly as keeping in touch and visiting. I have already been one of those people. Not all of our friends are close, so it is important to stay in touch until we do see them. Being far away is just another excuse. A few loving words every now and then feel forced, and it is just not enough. I don’t want to have to always contact you, because I start to feel like a pest. That is what I say in my mind when I continue to make an effort and that person doesn’t. You begin to analyze and your mind wonders. You start to question the friendship and that person.
Oy vey! Fuggedaboudit. I can’t tell you where my mind goes. :0) It is really not that hard to forget about people, especially if they are far away. So make time, don’t waste time, make an effort, let them know you love them, let them know you care, and just give everything you have into your relationships you build both new and old. It is like nurturing a new born baby. We must nurture our relationships and cherish them. Be grateful for the people in your life. Saying it to yourself and knowing it is just not enough! Share the love, show the love, and spread the love! Love Love Love! It is all about the love people!

Many blessings
D ;)

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