Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.
Blog Series: Getting Your Life Back: The Basics
Based on the soon to be written book by yours truly :D
Well here are the basics my friends. We all go through through life hoping bad things don't happen to us. The truth is, that is impossible. There will be something that happens along the way. It is a harsh truth, but that is life. I have never heard a person say that they have not been through something where they had to figure out how to get back on track or pick themselves up. It is not an easy thing to do.
It could be as simple as wanting to pull your hair out or as serious as one developing serious problems. Some of us choose to stay out of the game longer than others. When it rains it pours; however, there are sunshowers and rainbows after a storm. This is a sign that rain is not always so dark. A storm is strong, but it passes soon enough. We can easily become addicted to things that are not healthy or anger eats you up inside. Many of us by human nature hold some sort of resentment towards whatever it is that has halted our lives or a tight hold on us. Not owning, accepting our power, getting support, and trying to deal with it on our own is where we fall short. I have been there a few times throughout my life.
We need to heal and recover. Trying to fight it and telling everybody around you that you are fine won't last long. Eventually, you will become so stressed that it begins to take over your life. Faith and believing is essential in healing. Forgiving is one of the most vital basics that you can do to getting your life back. No matter what the situation is there is ALWAYS hope. The sun will shine again. Life is not ALWAYS full of happiness. There will be good people and bad people, there will be trials and tribulations, there will be hurt, there will be pain, there will be good times and bad times, there will be anger, there will be sadness, and so on and so forth. There are no guarantees in life accept those from GOD.
Now some of you might not be religious, but I will tell you that my faith is what gets me through. Sometimes we fight so hard to stay in that dark room where we shut the blinds from the world and refuse to open them. Life as we know it is over. That is the mantra we feel when things are not going our way. Trauma is not a simple 1, 2, 3, fix; however, if you really want to change your course you can. It is a choice. Life can be anything we want it to be. We can live it or watch it go by. We can move forward or keep looking behind us. Our past can stay there or we can bury it deep down, not deal with it, confront it, and take it with us into the present and future, which will not have a good outcome in any arena of our life whether is be relationships, work, or functioning. Life can soon become unmanageable if we let it.
We have to take responsiblity for ourselves and our actions. We do have to accept that when we become adults we let our emotions and mind take over. We can't place blame. All that does is further our ego into believing it is acceptable to be stuck in the quick sand; therefore, it is ok to be a hot mess. Though it might not be our fault, this does not mean that it is ok to dwell and not get over it. We have to release and let go at some point. Holding on to the bad is never a good thing. Don't feel sorry for yourself. This is a common misconception we have. I have a RIGHT to feel sorry for myself because this happened to me. The list might be horrific, but only YOU can slowly start to bandange those wounds and get rid of that list.
We have to move on and triumph over our sorrows. Life is worth living. Every minute wasted is a minute we can't get back. A good friend of mine says this to me all the time. In fact her and I think very similar in our values, morals, and what I am talking about right now. Sometimes when she talks it is like I am hearing myself. I wish I can take credit for every word that comes out of my mouth, but some of our wisdom is not only based on our own life experiences, but our friends and those who are part of our life. This is how we learn and account. I have people in my life that are REAL with me. If you have those, KEEP THEM! Those are the ones that will be there through thick and thin no matter what.
Always make sure you have a support system of some kind in your inner circle, but also your outer circle. Mingle with support groups, take numbers of people who want to offer. It can be weird at first, but there is nothing wrong with accepting a helping hand. When a person reaches out to you, than there is a reason. They know what you are going through, and somebody else did the same for them. Sure, we are still going to talk to our close friends and confide in them, but again my same friend told me we need incorporate that with other avenues. I have friends who can relate to me and understand me, and I adore them for always being there; however, it is all about growing. We need too seek help in a variety of places to really make a dent. It can't all be fixed by a pill or a drink. Truth be told, this will cause you even more problems when you rely on substance abuse. You realize you slowly become someone your not. AVOID that at all costs! I can't stress that enough. That is just another road block to getting your life back.
It is good to go outside the box and our normal comfort zone. This is not to say you can't have those intimate conversations, seek advice, and have a shoulder to cry or lean on with your close ones. That being said, I will stress once again to get all the help and support that is out there at your disposal. Reading self-help books and indulging in your hobbies is an excellent way to stay focused as well. Yoga is a great activity to take up. It can help a great deal as far as breathing, working out, staying in shape, meditating, staying focused, clearing your mind, and so on. Definitely get a therapist or counselor. Just someone to talk to other than the same group of people. We all need a professional opinion at one point or another. Don't be afraid. You are not nuts! :) Talking to someone who does not know who we are and listens in a different way provides us with useful tools to integrate into our plan.
You are only alone if you choose to be alone. Open your heart and let people in. Things will happen. You will "GET YOUR LIFE BACK"! It might not be the greatest journey and there will be bumps and road blocks, but you WILL see the light at the end. You will smile again. You will venture out into new adventures and create a new path. This is only possible by dealing with the issues at hand and not wait until you are spinning out of control. It will only make it more difficult and strenuous.
Things will begin to happen. You will wake up feeling new and like you have a fresh start. Don't run away. Be patient. Getting your life back takes time and energy. You will be tired. Some days you will want to give up, but don't. It will be worth it in the end. You might find out things about yourself you never realized before. You will be stronger. You WILL be singing and dancing when the time comes. Take deep breathes, dive in, and GET YOUR LIFE BACK! Taking care of YOU is priority if you want to hear those magical bells!
To be continued...
A big thank you to my friend K for contributing to this insight. xoxo
Smile Big, be blessed, love, live, and laugh