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Friday, May 25, 2012

This is What I Have Learned!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

What I have learned in my almost 33 years on earth is not complicated. In fact, it is very simple. I have thought about the countless hours and days I have spent wondering, worrying, analyzing, and dwelling on subjects that were pointless. I basically wasted many minutes of my life that I can't get back. A friend of mine has made this point to me several times over the past year. Many of us don't realize the short time we have and that we get one chance. Sure, when it comes up we think about it; otherwise, it is often far from our minds.

BAM! One day you realize that you are getting older and there are many things you wish you would have said or accomplished. The fact is, it is never too late to achieve goals. There is no age limit on our desires, because we come into them and out them as we age. We grow and contemplate on what our next move will be. Some of us want notoriety, fame, recognition, family, good friends, and success. Some just go with the natural flow and search for the signs. Who would not want all these things. The difference between each individual, as unique as we are, is that most just want to be happy. Happiness is the real goal here in life. TRUE HAPPINESS!

This is attainable if we try remember that life also comes with hurt, despair, disappointment, sadness, anger, trials and tribulations, sickness, pain, mistakes, regrets, heartache, struggle, failure, negativity, weakness, and death. There is no escaping these. This is how and why we survive. If life did not consist of both good and bad, than where would we be? Really ask yourself this question. What is it all about? Another thing I learned is that forgiveness and love is the key! We must learn to do both with our entire heart. Love your family, friends, and tell them as much as you can. Show gratitude in each day that passes. We must be thankful!

If it was not for a good friend of mine who I have confided a great deal in over the past year, I would still be bouncing back and forth between my two worlds. The truth? Everyday is a challenge that we must face. There is no escaping the inevitable, but we can learn how to manage. I am not saying any of this will be easy, but it can be done with grace. If we continue to repeat the same things over and over, you will only be standing still. Nobody wants to face the same obstacles over and over and over again.

I have learned a fresh start does not mean your past will not follow you. You must deal with it and move on. There is no such thing as running away from your problems despite what we might think. In all of this we will also find strength, power, and a reason to fight. People will care for you, love you, be there for you through anything, catch you when you fall, listen to you, have compassion, be understanding and loyal, and will always be in your life, than you have those will be the complete opposite of all those things. Those are not the people you want to attract or interact with. You have to remember to cherish what you do have. It is something truly special. There is always someone worse off than the next.

We must appreciate no matter how big or small. Too often we are looking for what is not there, and we forget what is right in front of us. Don't push people away. We might find it easier thinking we are doing them a favor by keeping them at arms length, lashing out, unintentionally hurting them, or pretending we do not care; however, who says you get to make the decision? If they have been there with you through tough times, you can pretty much bet they are not leaving you now. Learn to trust and not question.

I realized I can't read minds and neither can the people in my life, so reach out when you are in need. Don't assume they are too busy or you don't want to be a bother. That is what they are there for. Just keep in mind they have there life to deal with as well. Understand they have to take care of themselves as well. There will be times they can't be there the way they want to be. Give them their time and space or help each other. Be gentle with yourselves and others. Don't assume that life is easier for someone else. You never know what people are going through or have been through.
Be kind and smile even when you are faking it. Laugh as much as you can because it will make all the difference for your soul. Have faith in everything you do and in people. Believe and trust it! If there is something you want, than go after it fiercely. There is NO SHAME in falling or even failing. We all do, and we just have to learn when it is time to dust ourselves off and move on.

The past? Leave it there. Trust me on this one. The last thing you want to do is drag that with you everywhere. It can be a heavy burden. Life can be beautiful if we choose to see the good through all the bad. Everything that happened, it happened for a reason and now it is time to focus on the future. No sense living in the darkness! When you face a barrier, you must conquer it before you can REALLY move forward. We all think, including myself, we got through something when in reality we just survived it. Believe it or not there is a difference.

Take care of you, and than be of service. First and foremost, you are priority. We all need to break through our own walls so we can be of clear mind to help another. Just remember, if you want to make a change you can. You have to WANT it bad enough, because nobody can do it for you. Be honest with those around you, but most importantly yourself. Sometimes a friend might sound harsh or even like they are yelling at you, but know that it is because they care. If they didn't, do you really think they would waste their energy. Telling someone what they want to hear will never be real. It is all bullsh*t and will not get you closer to the ultimate truth. We all need that kick in the ass sometimes to get us moving in the right direction. We will have to do it, and it will be done to us.

If you want to go back to school, than do it!
If you want to change careers, than do it!
If you want to move, than do it!
If you want to climb mountains, than do it!

Whatever it is, JUST DO IT! Life is too short to not count your blessings. Don't waste it being angry, resentful, or having a mind full of negative thoughts. Everybody else is walking around just fine while you are sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Life is what you make it. If you CHOOSE to do nothing, than guess who is to blame for that? Don't be afraid to take those steps. Every step forward is a step closer.

Success is not measured by how much money you make, who you know, who you are, how many friends you have, or what you do for a living. Success is all the little things that add up to a life that is filled with love, happiness, and joy! All those material things won't matter in the long run. Do they put food on your table, do they tell you how much they love you, do they hug you, do they show you affection, do they provide you with a sense of family, do they put a roof over your head and clothes on your back? I know they don't pay the bills! :)

My point is to stop making excuses and go around blaming the world and the people in it for your problems or why you are stuck! Realize as an adult we now have CHOICES no matter how traumatic our past or the world has been! There is always a reason for everything! I can say this, because I will admit I have done it myself.

Not all this I came to find out alone. It was through the help of good friends, support, and some great advice. I have learned that these are the type of people I want to surround myself with and keep around for a lifetime. No matter how far or how close, you are always connected.

You can't change what already happened. You can only change what is to come.

  • Give and help of service anyway you can
  • Get involved with charities and organizations
  • Be Optimistic about life
  • Look for the beauty in everything
  • Give yourself a break
  • Make is okay once in awhile
  • LOVE
  • Be extraordinary
  • Pick up the phone once in awhile...don't just text (I know it is hard, but you will live :)
  • Make connections
  • Don't live backwards
  • Take responsibility
  • Man up so to speak :)
  • Be active and stay healthy
  • Don't judge
  • Stay humble
  • Pray
  • Enjoy nature
  • Don't argue...communicate
  • Laugh ALL the time
  • Shake your booty whenever you can
  • Live like there is no tomorrow
  • Face any problem head on
  • Make time for yourself
  • Don't stress over little things you have no control over
  • Not everything will turn out the way you want it to
  • Accept somebody the way they are or move on
  • Take deep breathes and release everything
  • Do for others...don't be selfish at the wrong times
These are just some of the things I have learned, and it has not stopped there. I am learning day by day. Learning is a lifelong commitment. You are never truly finished.

We are never given what we can't handle. Life is waiting...go after it!

Many blessings
D :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Mirror Mirror!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

How often do we look at ourselves in the mirror and truly appreciate or like what we see. There is always something we are looking to change. Change is good when it is positive. I am not talking about changing the color of your hair, whitening your teeth, popping a zit, or plucking your eyebrows. Although you can do that too. I am talking about REAL change!

Personally, I can tell you over the years I have not recognized my own reflection at times. I was either being someone for somebody else or trying to be something I was not. We all fall into this fa├žade that we will play out for the benefit of those around us; however, when we are behind closed doors, we take that mask off. The problem is you soon get so accustomed to that mask that it never comes off. Soon you forget you even have it on and the part becomes reality. The reflection is the mirror than becomes a somewhat distorted image of what you are used too.

Think of Snow White for a moment... "Who is the fairest of them all?" It is a fairytale, but do not mistake that people look at themselves and see way beyond. This is a great example of ego. If you are spending time in the mirror looking at the wrong things, than your vision will eventually become blurry and everything around will follow that lead.

Rather let's look and see what it is we want to be or become and if we have achieved that yet. When I look in the mirror, I want to see someone I can be proud of, who loves with her whole heart, who knows compassion, who exudes confidence, and gives off inspiration in abundance. I want to reach the highest peak. Don't just see what everybody else tells you. We must see something different, because we dig deeper into our souls than anybody else does. Who knows YOU better than YOU!

Your reflection can change in an instant. The challenge is to keep true to what you want to see. Envision it, believe it, feel it, and become it! There is no limits to what you can do if you truly want it bad enough. Every morning wake up, look in that mirror, and fill yourself with positive affirmations. Here is a clip that I find to be absolutely adorable. We should all take lead from her at such a young age. When you feel good about your life, you have to keep reminding yourself. This is the way to do it. Look into your own eyes!

It might sound silly, but it works. Build your self-esteem up so high that nobody can take you down. You will built strength that you never thought you had before. That mirror will stay with you all day in your mind. If needed, carry a small one around with you or go into a private bathroom. Just don't shout at the top of your lungs because people might think your a loon ;)

How we see and view ourselves is what we put out in the universe. With negative comes negative and with positive comes positive. What do you want yourself to know each and everyday? What new journeys do you want to embark on? Have an entire conversation if you need. When looking in that mirror, we want to smile back at ourselves not shatter it. Stay just in that moment for as long as it takes. Nobody can see your or hear you and just meditate on whatever comes to mind to get that clear picture you want to see each time you look in that mirror. Each one of us is a beautiful person inside and out and unique in our own way. Don't just see what is on the outside, but inside the soul.

The eyes are the window to the soul - Old Proverb

You can also put index cards on the mirror of inspirational sayings, quotes, or what you want to remind yourself of everyday. This is a common tool many use. I have used it myself. I had them all over the walls and mirrors. My place looked like a giant cork board :)~ The point of this exercise is to build from what we can't see or lost and to build courage to go out there and LIVE! Don't be afraid to be who you are and do what YOU want to do. Nothing is impossible or out of reach if you believe in yourself enough to take chances. Don't let a setback distort your image. It can happen so easily if we allow it.

Really look deep into yourself. We have to accept ourselves before we expect others to. If you are unhappy with your appearance, than close your eyes and what is it that you see? Whether it is losing weight or changing your hairstyle, don't be afraid to look in that mirror. When we can't look into your own eyes, we often can't look anybody else in theirs. That is just low self-esteem. How many of us find ourselves walking looking at the ground? I have done that on and off for years. Our heads should held high. Keep your chin up and shoulders back, and walk like nothing can stand in your way. NO FEAR!

It is ok if our vision is a bit off from time to time. It happens to EVERYBODY! Just don't beat yourself up over it (As a friend has told me many times over). Everything takes time and when that time is right, it will hit you in that moment like nothing you ever felt before!

Mirror, Mirror on the YOU fill in the rest!

Many blessings!

D xo