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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Never Goodbye, Only See Ya Later!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

How many times in our life do we think that we have to say goodbye. The truth is we really don't. Is it truly ever goodbye anyway? Think about it for a second. Even in death, we will see that person again if that is your belief. Saying goodbye is like closing the door on that person. For the ones who are still here, you are still going to talk on the phone, text, Skype, email, and visit. Let's not forget the ever growing trend of keeping in touch through Facebook and Twitter. 

I very rarely say goodbye to anybody. I will say see ya later, talk to you soon, ciao, etc. I don't believe in goodbyes, just as I don't believe in going away angry. I don't even like going to bed angry. I am the type of person that likes everything solved the same day. Call me anal...maybe, but that is me.

I remember all the times while I was growing up and people were leaving or passing away, and I was so upset that I never got to say goodbye. I kept saying I will see you soon or I will call you soon. You procrastinate and soon becomes later and later. The sad thing is that later eventually becomes too late. We never know when someone will leave, so while they are in front of you make sure that you are not too busy to make time for that person even if it is just for a moment. That moment can last a lifetime. You don't want to kick yourself down the road. You don't want to say I shoulda, coulda, or woulda if only...blah blah blah.

Just do it! It is not hard, and it does not take much time to keep in touch. For those that live close to you, there are no excuses! Eventually, I realized that I didn't need to see them to say goodbye, and I did not want to say goodbye anyway. As far as I am concerned, I carry anybody who is gone around with me in my heart everyday. I know somehow I will see them again. I see the same strangers everyday living in NYC. It is amazing the familiar faces that you see. If I can meet the same strangers at any time of the day in this huge city, than I am sure as hell not saying goodbye to the people I know.

Even when a relationship is ending and you know you will never see that person again, you still don't necessarily have to say goodbye as in forever, because we should NEVER say NEVER! It is equal to us getting snockered one night and saying that we are NEVER going to touch another drink until a few days later when we do it again. We all know we have been there. There is no getting away from that one.

The truth is, is that we are all connected in some way. It might be further down the line, but you would be surprised how life works that way. A mutual friend might be friends with a person that you never thought you would see or speak to again. There is a reason these things happen when they do. When I got divorced I figured I would never see him again because we had no children. The hilarious thing is that we had a blast at our divorce hearing (if that even makes sense) and we remained best friends after that. I never had plans to say goodbye, but I was prepared to go our separate ways.

It wasn't until I moved back to NY where things started to fall apart with the friendship we tried to keep alive. Life just became different for both of us, and I think it was time to finally go down our own paths in life. Those paths were very different at that time in our lives. At one point I thought we would always be on the same path, but as we got older we grew apart. This happens with family, friends, and lovers. It just IS!

To this day, maybe about two or so years now if not more, we have not spoken. Do I think one day we will again? Maybe...just maybe. My point is, is that people come and go in our lives. They make an impression. It might be a good or bad or both, but they leave a mark. I think of all the people I have lost and it saddens me, but than I remember it is not the end!

To me when you say goodbye, you are saying that you will forget everything about that person and what they meant to you. I have no time for goodbyes in my life. My heart is big enough for everybody to fit inside of it and take along for the ride. Goodbye is much too final...

I left so many great friends when I moved back home to New York. It had been years since I had lived here, and I had made tons and tons of friends while I lived in Florida for all those years. That was about the only thing that might have stopped me from leaving; however, it didn't, and you know why? I felt it was vital for me to follow my heart at that point. You can't be afraid to live because of a fear of saying goodbye. This is another good point to mention. The fear of those words or actions prevents people from living or just simply doing. I have to say at that time it did not even cross my mind who I saw and who I did not see. I had a goal in mind, and I went for it.

At first this bothered me, but than I realized that I was going to see them when I visited or they visited me. Not to mention the fact I speak to most of them often. I will admit I got angry with some of them because I couldn't believe that they had no problem not seeing me off or saying goodbye. Did they think like I did? They sure did. I found out some were not able to bring themselves to see me, because it was much too hard. I understood that in a way, but I told them it will never be goodbye. I had no right to be upset because I made no effort myself due to the same fear. I let fear stop me from seeing people I loved for what would be a long time until I was back. In the end, that was the real reason I was upset. It was not about the goodbyes.

I remember one of my last encounters before I left Florida was with my ex-father-in-law, as my ex-husband was the one who drove me back to New York. This was what ended up being our last hurrah together! It was bitter-sweet I will say. It was a new chapter for me and I was both scared and excited. He helped me with the scared part. My last day in Florida as I looked up at my ex-husband I saw tears rolling down his face just as they did when he left me in New York. I will admit they did for me too. It was not because it was goodbye, it was because it was the end of our life together. It was the end of a life I had built there for many years as well, but it was good for us to have that moment. I did not let fear stop any emotions that day as I normally would have. I never said goodbye to him, because it wasn't goodbye. It was I will speak to you soon. I spoke to him for a long time  until after that until the time came to completely close the book on our relationship. Unfortunately, there are endings even without goodbyes.

My friend said, "I thought you don't believe in goodbyes." I said, "I don't, but I do believe in endings" I wasn't exactly sure what the difference was or what I meant by that. I am still not sure if I do. The way I see it, an ending is just a new beginning. An ending just means the story is over, but not that it can't be re-written or a new chapter added. An ending might be closing a door, but I will always leave a window open. In my book, a goodbye is forever!

When my Nonna passed away, I never not once said goodbye to her. I refused to even when she was alive I told her she had to live forever, and she will do just that inside of me. You can keep anybody alive when they have passed on. They live through you, your family, your children, and your memories. Unless you are giving up on all of those, than they are never completely gone. I see her all around me in total strangers. Of course I get upset when I think about her not being here with me, but oddly, it puts a smile on my face.

Even when the book is closed, it does not mean it can never be re-opened. Just might need a little dusting! :)

I will see YOU later!  

D :)

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A Special Day!

Lets Talk About It - From NYC w/Dana J.

I have to be honest when I say this is one of the most awesome things I could have received on my birthday from a friend. The fact that she knew it was probably hard for me for my first birthday without my grandmother was so thoughtful, and it was in fact a very different birthday compared to any other. It was sad and difficult, but I got through it. The fact that I was injured threw my plans out the window anyway; however, I was completely overwhelmed by the love, the messages, the texts, the calls, and posts from my friends and loved ones. It made my day much easier.

You know for years I haven't done much. I am not sure exactly why I never did. I have always seen it as just another day, and I have had some awesome birthday opportunities that I just turned down flat. People always asked me what I did because they expected something huge as I always go big. When I used to sit on the couch and have those talks with my Nonna she always told me that it is not just another day. She said it was my special day and should be celebrated. I never took it seriously when she said that. I figured I will make her happy and tell her it was fabulous. I am just not in the mood to do anything was not an answer she was willing to accept.

To this day, I wonder what happened along the way where my birthday became almost non-existent to me. It is almost as if in my mind it was already ruined for whatever reason that escaped me. I was completely negative in every aspect of my "so called" special day. I guess I was always waiting for a shoe to drop or something to happen as it did in the past that would ruin it. I figured I would stay ahead of the game by just expecting a catastrophe or for someone important to me to forget. I no longer waited for phone calls, texts, cards, or messages.

The truth is , every year there was always something that I felt took the feeling out of my birthday. In my opinion, the zest was gone. I realized I was the one holding onto something that no longer made birthdays a big deal. My Nonna was right! They are a big day. It is celebrating life, health, and happiness with the ones that are close to us. It is all about the love. Rather than being stubborn or a party pooper, I should be the life of the party as is expected of me. I don't want to bring other people down around me or assume I am going to treat their special day as I do mine. In fact, I always went way beyond on birthdays for those I cared about and loved. I wanted to do for others, but I did not let others do for me.

Now, that makes absolutely no sense...right?! I guess I figured since I am older why does it need to be this big extravaganza. By doing this, how can I blame a person for not making a big deal or forgetting. That would be my own fault. When you treat something as if it does not exist, than it tends to fade away on its own.

Now that my grandmother is gone, I have to make a promise to myself to make sure that on my special day I make it exactly that...a special day! I know she would disappointed in me if I did not. Now that she is seeing every move I make from up above, it a bit harder to fib :)  Why shouldn't I celebrate my special day? It is another year I am grateful to be alive and have the life that I have. I have amazing people in my life that I cherish. Why not go big? Boy, I have been missing out!

The true meaning of a birthday "a special day" is not about presents or parties (although those are good too hehe). It is about people who want to share that day with you, wish you the best, show you they love and care about you, and celebrate being YOU and all the special amazing things about YOU! It is indeed a special day! Sometimes we get caught up in being busy and the unimportant things that we lose sight of this.

Make sure that each and every year you celebrate your "special day" in a very special way! Don't underplay it, ignore it, or ever be too busy to do something no matter how small it might be. It is a day that should be acknowledged.

My Nonna gave me an amazing gift this year...she reminded me what my special day is all about! Of course, she always drilled this into my head for years, but for some reason this year it stuck!

Actually, from now on I am going to wish the people in my life a "HAPPY SPECIAL DAY"! It just works.  

D :)